5 Ideas To Improve Your Tuesday

Tuesdays can be depressing sometimes. Monday you expect to be dreadful, and so usually steady yourself for it, like the anticipation of a subway train about to shove off. Tuesday, though, can sneak up and spit in your eye; it’s not even Wednesday (a drippy day in it’s own right) but, at least Wednesday is the middle of the week . . . Thursday is practically part of the weekend, and Friday is glorious for reasons that if they need explained to you are beyond the point.

So, Tuesday. I almost feel bad for maligning and slandering Tuesday when, really, it’s not Tuesday’s fault, someone had to be the second day of the week.* If it hadn’t been Tuesday it could have ended up being given to Friday or even, (gasp) Saturday. Tuesday should be commended for taking the bull by the horns and trying to make the best of a bad situation . . . see what it did with Tuesday cheap movies? That’s thinking for you.

So, in the spirit of making the best of Tuesday I have thought up five things that can make your Tuesday slightly more interesting, for you, and for your coworkers. These five are as follows:

1) Discover a coworker’s desk, and claim it in the name of Spain.

2) Lower your chair to the lowest level. When anyone asks you why tell them the altitude always gives you nosebleeds on Tuesdays.

3) Move your desk next to the rest rooms, and proclaim yourself the Hand Washing Monitor. Be STRICT.

4) Try to convince your coworkers that the Earth is flat. When they disagree, change gears, tell them they misheard you . . . the Earth is actually round, but hollow.

5) Whenever a coworker speaks to you about anything, respond with “Sure, that’s what you’d like me to believe, isn’t it?” But, be defensive if they ask you what you think they would like you to believe. If they press you, simply insist “YOU know. You know very well.”

Any and all of these suggestions are guaranteed to make your Tuesday more interesting. I claim no responsibility for anyone getting fired if they try these suggestions, consider it a personal favour.

Hail Eris!

*Don’t even talk to me about the week beginning on Sunday.

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