Archive for June, 2005

Making Grocery Shopping More Fun!

June 30, 2005

Ok ok ok – I know . . . I’ve already made excuses for a man caught riding a bike drunk, and now this . . . Honestly, though, this story made me laugh harder than anything I’ve read recently, so for that reason alone it should be important. Remember, it isn’t true unless it makes you laugh.

So, with that in mind, here is yet another drunken loser trying to make life more fun, and being brought down by the greyfaces again. Don’t let the bastards grind you down!

Here is the story:

DEVILS LAKE, N.D. (AP) – A man is accused of driving an electric-powered shopping cart around a grocery store here while drunk, endangering other customers.

Clifford Mattson, 27, was charged with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, Detective Sue Schwab said Tuesday.

Schwab said police went to the Leevers grocery store Monday afternoon, after reports of a drunken man driving the shopping cart into people and nearly knocking them down.

“He appeared to be actually driving after them,” Schwab said. No one was hurt, she said.

The maximum penalty for the misdemeanor charge is 30 days in jail and a $500 fine, Schwab said. A court hearing was set for July 19.

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My Top Five Greyfaces

June 29, 2005

1) Stephen Harper, Leader of “Progressive” Conservatives Party

2) Jerry Falwell, “model” X-tian

3) James Randi, professional skeptic

4) Tucker Carlson, all around jerk-off

5) Ben Shapiro, author of “Porn Generation” and pro-censorship advocate

Hail Eris!

Celebrate Good Times

June 27, 2005

Great weekend of fun and celebrations as Apostasia Gloriana, Keeper of the Weeeee! and Smug Hank got married . . . it really makes you appreciate the idea of friends, family and celebration . . . I can’t truly say I had any mind-blowing realizations, but there were a couple times I found myself consciously aware that I was happy to have such good friends who I can consider family without getting too gushy.

I have a great family, and a large extended family, and my life is very good. I was reminded of something I believe Kafka said about find endless astonishment at simply observing a group of people cheerfully gathered.

Congrats AG and SH!

Hail Eris – All Hail Discordia!

It Will All Come When It Comes

June 23, 2005

TODAY IS THE 23rd!! HAPPY HOLY DAY!

On a different note:

Have no fear – I have not abandoned you all, my children . . . I have been busy lately with a lot of jazz and haven’t been able to form intelligent thoughts (or what passes as intelligent thought for me, anyway), and I feel it is better to write when you have something to say, rather than just natter on . . .

But do not dispair, I am in the works of compling discordian writings and hope to be finished by the end of July.

Of course, as a Discordian, or Erisian, or Chaoist, or whatever I want to refer to myself as today, I feel no need to pressure myself . . . Like the Happy Hooker said to the Pope: “It will all come when it comes.”

Hail Eris.

Balloon Review

June 18, 2005

So the Balloon Event last night went off without a hitch as far as I can tell . . . there were six of us that participated, and probably one of the two things that could have helped would have been the addition of more participants, if only to add to the sheer looniness of the entire affair. The other thing that might have helped would have been a few ‘plants’ to stay behind after and observe results. Live and learn.

Anyway, it was a good time for all invloved. The first of many mindfucks for the Justified Agents of Mummu.

Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

Balloons! Balloons! Balloons!

June 17, 2005

Tonight the Justified Agents of Mummu are going to be assaulting the TTC subways with many many balloons of all sizes and colours. Why should the subway be a dull, pedestrian affair? Why can’t a subway ride on a Friday night be a bit of a party?

Have fun!

Life is short.

Hail Eris – All Hail Discordia!

Bloomsday!

June 16, 2005

Today is June 16th, which is celebrated in many countries as Bloomsday, after James Joyce’s Ulysses. Happy Bloomsday, and Hail Eris!

Thursday Haiku

June 16, 2005

So, the Book of Fnord is taken. It doesn’t look like it’s a collection of Discordian writings, but it’s hard to tell from the cursory glance over I gave it. Bah.

Oh well – the search continues.

Thursday is a good day . . . time for a Discordian Haiku, perhaps? We were discussing them last night at the meeting, so it would be a good idea. And, again, this will be off the top of my head, so be kind:

On a Thursday morn,
there are many many many things I would rather be doing with my life than be here,
at this shitty job.

Beautiful, and ‘true’.

Happy Thursday.

Hail Eris.

Patience, Young Grasshopper

June 15, 2005

Alright, I know I said I was going to have a gospel almost a week ago . . . well, these things cannot be rushed. I shouldn’t have said anything at all about it, that was my mistake. Now I feel rushed, and inspiration should come calling, like it did with the first gospel.

At any rate, it is on my mind, so relax. Don’t panic.

I am trying to decide on a title, I will post a few possibilities in the forum, and gather some opinions. If you would like to chime in with a title you like please feel free to go to the forum and the thread will be titled “Title” which seems apt, and it will be under the Chat section.

Until then, Hail Eris!

Great Knowledge and Hung Mung

June 14, 2005

It has been written that I loathe Tuesdays. This is true. On this Tuesday I have nothing worth recounting, but will instead relate a parable about Hung Mung, the wisest of of all wiseacres:

“Great Knowledge was traveling east, carried along upon the wings of a whirlwind. Suddenly he met Hung Mung, who was jumping around, slapping his thighs and hopping like a bird. Great Knowledge saw this and stopped dead, standing still in respect, and said, ‘Elderly man, who are you? What are you doing?’

     Hung Mung continued to slap his thighs and hop like a bird, then replied, ‘Enjoying myself!

     Great Knowledge said, ‘I would like to ask a question.’

     Hung Mung looked at Great Knowledge and said, ‘That’s a shame!’

     Great Knowledge said, ‘The very breath of Heaven is no longer in harmony. Earth’s very breath is ensnared, the six breaths do not mix, the four seasons do not follow each other. Now I want to combine the six breaths in order to bring life to all things. How do I do this?’

     Hung Mung slapped his thighs, hopped around and said, ‘I don’t know, I don’t know!’

     Great Knowledge could go no further with his questioning. But three years later, traveling east, he passed the wilderness of Sung and came upon Hung Mung again. Great Knowledge, very pleased, rushed towards him, stood before him and said, ‘Heaven, have you forgotten me? Heaven, have you forgotten me?’ Bowing his head twice, he asked for teaching from Hung Mung.

     Hung Mung said, ‘Wandering everywhere, without a clue why. Wildly impulsive, without a clue where. I wander around in this odd fashion, I see that nothing comes without reason. What can I know?’

     Great Knowledge replied, ‘I also seem carried on by an aimless influence, and yet the people follow me wherever I go. I cannot help their doing so. But now as they thus imitate me, I wish to hear a word from you.’

     Hung Mung said, ‘Ah! your mind needs to be nourished. Do you only take the position of doing nothing, and things will of themselves become transformed. Neglect your body; cast out from you your power of hearing and sight; forget what you have in common with things; cultivate a grand similarity with the chaos of the plastic ether; unloose your mind; set your spirit free; be still as if you had no soul. Of all the multitude of things every one returns to its root. Every one returns to its root, and does not know that it is doing so. They all are as in the state of chaos, and during all their existence they do not leave it. They do not ask its name; they do not seek to spy out their nature; and thus it is that things come to life of themselves.'”

Have a great fucking Tuesday.

Hail Eris.