Perfectly Fucked Headlines

I regularly scour the internet for fucked up little stories to post on here, you know . . . the weird the wild and the wooly (let’s pretend wooly fits there) and every once in a while I come across one with a title so perfect fucked I can’t bring myself to read what the actual story is about, much like Joe Malik in Schrodinger’s Cat with “No Wife, No Horse, No Mustache” . . . today was just such a day.

The title?

“Robotic Space Penguin To Hop Across The Moon”

That is fantastic on so many levels I hardly know where to begin. Let’s see . . . first, the words ‘robotic space penguin’ are so surreal and perfect I could levitate – why a penguin? Who cares. It’s hilarious. And where is this Robotic Space Penguin going? Only the most classic ‘loony’ landscape there is, my close chum, the Moon. And what, pray tell, is this Robotic Space Penguin planning to do on the Moon? The answer is ‘hop across it’. Not walk across it, or drive across it, or even skip stalk or slide across it . . . no, it’s planning to hop across it. HOP.

I couldn’t bring myself to read a word of the actual article, it would only be a monumental disappointment.

I think I need to go rest now . . .

One Response to “Perfectly Fucked Headlines”

  1. bigmamajools Says:

    that headline is gold jerry, gold.

    just today Metro had a headline that made me laugh out loud in the subway:

    “Posh Spice slams rumours, says she can read”

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