Archive for September, 2006

On The Subject Of: Questioning

September 27, 2006

Lust, Harpo:19, 6006 YD

With the unknown, one is confronted with danger, discomfort and worry; the first instinct is to abolish these painful sensations. First principle: any explanation is better than none . . .

The search for causes is thus conditioned by and excited by the feeling of fear. The question “Why?” is not pursued for its own sake but to find a certain kind of answer – an answer that is pacifying, tranquilizing and soothing.

-Nietzsche, Twilight of the Gods

Count YooHoo Amongst The Pumpkinites Pt. II

September 26, 2006

Pride, Harpo:17, 6006 YD


I barely made it out alive.

I am in an internet cafe in Toledo Ohio. Good lord, man, do you realize what I’ve been through? Those people were animals – and I almost became one of them. The thought raises bile in my throat now at the mere thought.

Sadly, their hyperbole and drama bamboozled me in a manner I didn’t think possible . . . as you know, good Baron, my mind is usually of a preternaturally advanced level, but somehow their down-homeness, if that can be said to be a term, their very earthiness appealed to my senses at a very base level. Hoopla, I think they prey on people by stroking the first and second circuits. It’s atrocious.

I am in hiding right now, I slept in a White Castle last night, but saw some of the sect combing the neighborhood later in the morning. Tonight I will look for a Jack In The Box. If you don’t hear from me by tomorrow please send someone from the Order to rescue me.

-Count YooHoo, K.S.C., S.H., H.M.
Esoteric Order Of Eris, Van Vliet Cabal

Nice Name For A Planet

September 14, 2006

Envy, Harpo:6, 6006 YD

LOS ANGELES — A distant, icy rock whose discovery shook up the solar system and led to Pluto’s planetary demise has been given a name: Eris.

The christening of Eris, named after the Greek goddess of chaos and strife, was announced by the International Astronomical Union on Wednesday. Weeks earlier, the professional astronomers’ group stripped Pluto of its planethood under new controversial guidelines.

Since its discovery last year, Eris ignited a debate about what constitutes a planet.

Astronomers were split over how to classify the object because there was no universal definition. Some argued it should be welcomed as the 10th planet since it was larger than Pluto, but others felt Pluto was not a full-fledged planet.

After much bickering, astronomers last month voted to shrink the solar system to eight planets, downgrading Pluto to a “dwarf planet,” a category that also includes Eris and the asteroid Ceres.

Eris’ discoverer, Michael Brown of the California Institute of Technology, said the name was an obvious choice, calling it “too perfect to resist.”

In mythology, Eris caused a quarrel among goddesses that sparked the Trojan War. In real life, Eris forced scientists to define a planet that eventually led to Pluto getting the boot. Soon after Pluto’s dismissal from the planet club, hundreds of scientists circulated a petition protesting the decision.

Eris’ moon also received a formal name: Dysnomia, the daughter of Eris known as the spirit of lawlessness.

Eris, which measures about 70 miles wider than Pluto, is the farthest known object in the solar system at 9 billion miles away from sun. It is also the third brightest object located in the Kuiper belt, a disc of icy debris beyond the orbit of Neptune.

St.Harpo Day

September 13, 2006

Lust, Harpo:5, 6006 YD

On this Fifth day of the month of Harpo, we again celebrate the life and legacy of St.Harpo Marx.

The oldest of the five Marx Brothers, St.Harpo was originally born Adolph Arthur Marx, but changed his name so he wouldn’t remind people of the then little known dictator Adolph Boopski. Now that I think about it, little is still known about Adolph Boopski, but that is beside the point.

In an early vaudeville review a critic wrote that St.Harpo ‘performed beautiful pantomime which was ruined whenever he spoke’, which was likely due to him sounding like a cross between Barry White and Carol Channing, from then on he performed mute, taking his cue from the Greek/Egyptian god Harpocrates, the god of silence.

By the Gregorian calendar he was born on the 23rd day of November 1888, and died on the 28th day of September 1964.

Hail Eris – All Hail St.Harpo

The Whore Of Babalon Lighter

September 12, 2006

Greed, Harpo:4, 6006 YD

One Model’s Reflection On 9/11

September 11, 2006

Pride, Harpo:3, 6006 YD

This morning, while chatting with a model the subject of 9/11 came up, unsurprisingly, as it seems to be on almost everyone’s mind today. The model’s response to the incident was this: “OOoooohhh, that was HORRible . . . for such a long time it seemed like modeling wasn’t important.”

There wasn’t really a nice way to tell her it still isn’t.

The Naming Of Hoopla

September 9, 2006

Wrath, Harpo:1, 6006 YD

1. Now the birth of Hoopla was on this jive: When as his mother St.Babs was asposta marry St.Ray, before they came to be husband and wife, she was found with child.

2. Then St.Ray her husband, being a just man, got rip-roaringly hammered, and passed out in the part of the basement deemed ‘the rec room’, and behold a messenger of the Goddess appeared from betwixt the faux-wood panelling, saying: “St.Ray, thou son of Hamhock, fear not to take unto thee St.Babs thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of She What Started It All.

3. “And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call him PANDEMONAEON for no good reason”. Now all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Goddess by the prophet Coleslaw, saying,

4. Behold! Some chick shall be all knocked up and shall bring forth a son and they shall call him ERISTOTLE, which can be interpreted as ‘Eris is the shizzle’.

5. Then St.Ray, being raised from his drunken stupor, did as the Messenger Of The Goddess suggested and took unto him St.Babs as his wife. And St.Ray said unto her, over Sloppy Joes and Dr. Pepper: ‘Some crazy mofo said to name the kid PANDEMONAEON or ERISTOTLE’. St.Babs said unto St.Ray: ‘Well? Which is it?” and St.Ray replied: “Fuck it, let’s go with HOOPLA; it’s shorter.” And so it was. Fnord.

Zamiatin Says:

September 7, 2006

“True literature can only exist when it is created, not by diligent and reliable officials, but by madmen, hermits, heretics, dreamers, rebels and sceptics”.

. . . While We’re Talking About Paganism . . .

September 5, 2006

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of viewing the 1973 original version of “The Wicker Man” starring Christopher Lee (who I now realize looks and sounds supiciously like my Illuminati contact Ramses Colossus) . . . it was wonderfully bizarre, and I highly enjoyed the experience. Not enough thrillers take the time to entertain us with music anymore, which is a shame, because I always say: Ranagazoo! Let’s have a tune!

What really tickled me, though, was the final scene where the “King For A Day” begins to rant and rave against the so-called pagans with the ‘true word’ of Christianity to the point of nearly foaming at the mouth; I’m not certain if it was the intention of the filmmakers, but they succeeded in making Christianity seem even more pagan than the neo-druish folks of the film, who copulate in open fields.


Paganism Is The New Stalinism

September 1, 2006

I can’t decide whether its completely refreshing, or utterly depressing.

I had always thought of the pagan community as being somehow more on the ball than the run-of-the-mill ‘average’ community, I suppose since they have decided to live on the outskirts of what is considered ‘normal’ in our Western world I always felt a sort of a kinship with them, as I do with all outsiders, rebels, and underdogs . . . I guess its the oral aspect of my nature.

Recently, however, I have been forced to the conclusion that not only is the Pagan Community no less rigid and ruled than the average religions, but possibly more so. If the only fundie you’ve come across is Christian, let me tell you that you haven’t truly encountered a fundie to the full extent yet . . . a pagan fundie is an entirely different can of worms. They will tell you that they respect all pagan religions but, of course, that is never true. If your form of paganism is based around a god or goddess who doesn’t jive with what they consider pagan you had better watch out, because they can turn right-wing religious fundamental on you in the length of time it takes to snap down a tarot card.

My experience of late is based on my time on a prominent Pagan message board, and despite the fact that Discordianism was discovered, invented, or revived in the late 1950’s (depending on which story you believe), WELL WELL WELL before paganism was embraced and revived in the 1970s and 1980s it holds little to no respect with the absolutely average pagan.

It just goes to show what I get for making sweeping assumptions about entire groups. Which, of course, I am doing again right now, I’m not unaware of the fact . . . and of course even what I’m saying now isn’t entirely the truth, just an aspect of it, but it is my subjective opinion at the moment and I am going with it.

It is only now that I can say I fully understand the adage that a ‘cynic is only a wounded optimist’, because brother, I took it in the eye, and it is sticky and I don’t like it.

Do I have a point, my brothers and sisters? I suppose my point is “Walk softly, carry a big stick, trust nobody, and wear a hardhat – just in case.”

I’m going to go burn a wicker man now.