Reasons Why Nobody Takes Wicca Seriously

Lust, Groucho:34, 6006 YD

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For those of you who have never heard of it, and I expect there are many, Wicca is one of several new-age “religions” with myriad traditions, some that date to prehistoric animism, others that were made up last week by a hairstylist in Oregon. Unenlightened types typically misidentify them as witches and shun them for being satan worshipers, whereas enlightened types correctly identify them as pretentions cretins and shun them for being gullible, obnoxious, shallow, and self-centered.

Kinda like Valley girls with no fashion sense.

Luckily, it’s a do-it-yourself kind of cult, so they don’t gather en masse for their rituals and then descend in smaller masses upon any restaurant that offers a buffet for under two dollars. Instead, they sit at home and chant over a bowl of something the cat coughed up after smoking whatever happened to be in the spice rack – as if people whose daily feeding ritual includes peeling back foil to expose the ‘tater tots could have any other use or tarragon or chervil – all the while hoping that one day, maybe one of their “spells” will work.

Eko, Eko Zomilak
Warts begone and come not back

All the same, it’s interesting to know that all you need is a second-hand bathrobe and a Bead-dazzlerTM to start your own religion and proclaim yourself Most Laureled Goat-Boy of the Night Goddess Beulah-Mae, and if you can find a pack of pinheads who will be impressed, you’re on your way to becoming an institution.

I think that’s how the Pope got started.

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4 Responses to “Reasons Why Nobody Takes Wicca Seriously”

  1. Episkopos Cain Says:

    Most importantly, it was founded by an ex-Mason. I mean, there’s scraping the barrel and then there’s Gardener. I think the moss on the rocks in the park probably know more detailed history than him.

  2. Robert Says:

    im more sympathetic towards Wicca than iam towards the patriarchal religions

    but im enjoying your war against Wicca as much as the war against any other dogma/creed 🙂

  3. pagans Says:

    OK, first of all a “war” against Wicca is pointless. All that a “war” against Wicca will do is cause you to be considered no better than that of other religions. See you claim the enlightened can see Wicca for what it truely is, yet you yourself can’t be enlightened. If you were enlightened you would know that you yourself are no better than anyone else. It is not to say that you must be the same as others but the way you go about putting down other religions is a complete mockery of Witchcraft. And as for only needing a bathrobe and a few other items, well, that is just plain incorrect. You need nothing to be Wiccan. And if you actually knew your facts you would know that the Gardnerian branch of Wicca believes they must be skyclad to perform magick. Skyclad means naked and is just a poetic term for naked coined by Gardner.

  4. Anger! « Pagan Society Says:

    […] May 4th, 2007 at 3:09 pm (satanism, lucifer, vampire, werewolves, demonic, lycan, religous groups, vampires, Wicca, Magic, religion, Occult, Tarot, magick, Pagan, Uncategorized) https://baronvonhoopla.wordpress.com/2007/03/08/reasons-why-nobody-takes-wicca-seriously/#comment-309 […]

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