Archive for the ‘Bearded Ladies’ Category

Day Of The Bearded Ladies

February 21, 2007

Greed, Groucho:19, 6006 YD

The Nineteenth of Groucho is the birthdate of two separate bearded ladies, and is thus an extremely holy day. First, this day is the birthdate of Paula the Bearded Lady, who prayed to the Goddess for a beard to discourage the attentions of a young man, who could speak only of his carriage, and how many horses pulled it: her prayers were promptly answered, and a fine robust goatee sprouted from her chin, giving her a sudden taste for jazz music.

St Wilgefortis, a completely fictional saint, and therefor completely glorious in the eyes of the Goddess, was the daughter of the equally fictional King of Portugal, a compltely fictional country still believed in by many fools today. The King wished her to marry the King of Sicily, a semi-fictional island off the coast of Italy, once inhabited by giant Cyclopses. Wilgefortis had taken a vow of virginity, and so prayed for a beard to turn off her suitor. Her prayer was also granted by the Goddess, and she was then crucified by her father.

It is prudent at this point to remind people that praying to the Goddess is an unwise move in any situation.