Archive for the ‘Booze’ Category

King Of The Booze On: BOOZE

December 21, 2006

Envy, Chico:31, 6006 YD

It’s around this time of the year that people around the world really begin to pay attention to my subjects: the many liquors, beers, and wines of the world. I see people raising the wrist all over town, and hear people hiccup to one another “T’is the Season!” – which warms both the cockles of my heart, and the heart of my cockles. It pleases me to know that I can in some way bring joy to people at the time of their year when they celebrate the birth of a 40th century jewish stone mason.

However, a certain story in the news which came to my attention recently has brought me some dismay – I don’t like to see my subjects besmirched in the media, after all. The story is -of course- the recent ‘scandal’ surrounding Miss USA, Tara Conner. Miss Conner has been stomped from all sides by the media in the last week or so for doing no more than ‘drinking under age’ . . . something any well-rounded individual has done in their own past (easily forgotten when on the witch-hunt bandwagon). How under age was she exactly? About a week; Tara turned 21 (the abominably high legal age in most US states) this past MONDAY. She almost got dumped as Miss USA for drinking a week before her birthday.

I feel at this point it would be prudent to remind my readers that Eris is also the goddess of Bureaucracy.

My point, though, is not about her drinking under age. My point, rather, is directed at the last sentence in the most recent article I read about the incident: “Miss Conner will be entering rehab.” She will be WHAT? Entering REHAB? For drinking a WEEK before her LEGAL BIRTHDAY? What in the goddess’ name could be the point of this? Are there not hundreds, nay, THOUSANDS of people more legitimately needing rehab counseling than this poor woman? She should be drinking for krist’s sake! SHE’S 21! I don’t even remember the age of twenty-one.

This obsession with rehab has grown to monumental proportions. There are two things the people of North America love: someone entering rehab, and someone forced to apologize.

I need a drink.

Grant Me Strength

December 9, 2005

Eris,

Grant me the strength to not stick a fork in the Owner’s eyeball tonight as he begins his fifteenth ‘joke’ of the night. Remind me that he is invoking the sacred Dean Martin roasts of old, and that a bad sense of humour is better than no sense of humour at all.

Although just barely.

Grant me the strength to smile tight-lipped and with clenched teeth while I pretend to be nice to the yahoos I work with. Remind me that work is work and life is life and never the two shall meet.

Grant me the strength to hold back the spicey comments I have been holding inside for the better part of two years once the liquid-personality begins to flow. Remind me that I am a Discordian and not a Dionysian.

XMas parties are the work of the devil. Get thee behind me, Santa.

Hail Eris, please Grant Me Strength.