Archive for the ‘Britney Spears’ Category

"Britney Goes Berserk On Paparazzo"

February 24, 2007

Wrath, Groucho:23, 6006 YD

I thought it was fitting on the day of Wrath to post this image of Britney Spears going ballistic on the paparazzo the other night . . . people are talking about how nutty she went in this situation, but to be quite honest I think this is the most sane I’ve seen the woman in ages. More celebs should be bashing at the media with umbrellas, methinks. Bully, Ms. Spears, bully.

And this post will officially be the last time I ever mention Ms. Spears, so lap it up, ladies.

2006 Gregorian Year In Discord

January 2, 2007

Greed, Chico:43 6006 YD

The Gregorian year of 2006 brought many changes, the most important to this weblog being the divinely inspired Hoopla calendar, which makes entries such as this somewhat superfluous . . . but again, ’tis the season . . . beyond the discovery of the Hoopla calendar, the most important events to this blog personally were the death of the Justified Agents of Mummu, and the birth of the E.’. E.’. – but that really shouldn’t be written of, even here.

The 2006 year of Discord began for me when Oprah the Forgiver, ruler of the mythical land of USA, executed James Frey on national television for the abysmal crime of “fictionalizing” his life story – something Oprah the Wise doesn’t believe in . . . yes folks, every other biography you’ve ever read has been 100% “TRUE”, written by an impartial, omnipotent god author . . . and of course, all the history books were also written by this benevolent wordsmith, fear not! Our literary innocence is preserved – at least it was until Kaavya Viswanathan pulled the same stunt, even if only for a few lines.

The 2006 year of Discord was given the enchanting term “sugar-tits” to chew on when Mad Mel Gibson was pulled over in July on DUI charges, resulting in a venomous and somewhat ridiculously hilarious racist tirade matched only by Michael Richards a few months later, who abandoned rationality -and sentence structure- in favour of simply stringing racist words together.

And, toward the end of the year the population of North America was distracted away from its woes by the vagina of Little Britney Spears, America’s sweetheart. No need to think about the people being sent home from Iraq and Afghanistan in body bags, no need to think about the growing homeless population – we’ve got Britney’s cooter!

There was more, of course, but it’s all a bit sickening in retrospect, and I’d rather look on to what is coming . . . hail Eris.

Britney & Paris:

December 6, 2006

Lust, Chico:16, 6006 YD

PERFECT FOR WHEN THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO NOTICE WHAT’S GOING ON.

Concerning Britney’s Chihuahua

August 9, 2006

FROM: Ramses Colossus,
Quinti-Primi Illuminati, Hermes Trismegistus Cabal

TO: Baron von Hoopla, KSC
Esoteric Order Of Eris, Kaufman Kabal

Dearest Hoopla,

Thank you for your query concerning Britney Spears’ chihuahua “Bubba”, it’s funny you should mention that . . . it’s only with the addition of Baby Cheeto that we in the Illuminati were able to wrestle our agent back, you see “Bubba” was part of our K-9 division who had infiltrated the Spears Cabal under the hopes that we could gain entry to the Pop Division of the Kaballah Center – all of our earlier attempts were thwarted, despite their seemingly flawless execution . . . our agent “Eliphas Levi-Strauss” (known to the masses as Justin Timberlake) got nowhere in his pursuits of Britney’s esoteric logic; our agent “Parsifal Redux” (known to the masses as Fred Durst) found even less, and then proceeded to blab many secrets of the Order on the Howard Stern program, he has since been excommunicated, but has started his own order, known as the L.’. B.’. (we are not worried).

Jiminy Cricket, where was I? Oh yes, “Bubba”, our K-9 agent . . .

He was given to Britney as a means of infiltrating the Kaballah Center’s inner circle, but sadly worked too well . . . Spears was so enraptured by the tiny pup-like thing that it was impossible to retrieve him for analysis. It was at that point I had to step in, take matters into my own hands, to get the program back on track, and it was some beautiful work if I do say so myself . . . you see, K-Fed has been so maligned by the fans and the press about how lazy and untalented he is that people almost never stop to wonder who he is or where he came from . . . he is, of course, one of our agents. Nobody is that gloriously lazy and stupid naturally, it takes years and years of practice . . . look at “W”, he has it down to a fine art.

So, my point is, do not fret over “Bubba” Hoopla, he is fine, he is well, he is enjoying Taco Bell. And, we are slowly gaining access to Madonna’s knowledge . . . “Mwa” and “ha” and “ha” . . .

Toodles,

-Ramses

PS: Those bags of tea you sent me never arrived.

PPS: Tahuti Fruti should taste like reeds – it will sell squillions of scoops!

PPPS: Don’t you just hate PS’s?

Britney as Eris?

May 5, 2005

It’s been brought to my attention that Britney Spears and her shaved gorilla of a husband have come up with a totally original idea and are going to be followed around by what must be increasingly more and more bored camera people for a ‘reality’ television show. The show will be entitled . . . (wait for it) “CHAOTIC”.

Idiotic seems more appropriate, but hey, they don’t pay me the big bucks to be a Hollywood executive . . . if they think it will sell, I guess it will.

Chaos to me always represents creativity – because to be creative you need to go against the grain, shake things up, kill the old and birth the new. Not sure about that last one, but you get my meaning I hope.

Britney is not creative. I’m sure she thinks she is. She, no doubt, has many people around her at all times assuring her she is the most creative little drip around, but even Christina has more creativity than Britney.

What’s next? Britney playing Eris in the movie adaptation of Illuminatus!?

Then the end will truly be nigh.

Oh well, not much else to say except:

Hail Eris.