Archive for the ‘Cereal’ Category

Cereal Bowl Of Eris Found!

March 19, 2007

Pride, Groucho:46, 6006 YD (later)

CALIFORNIA — Oil exploration work in California’s Central Valley region has uncovered what some scientists have referred to as “The Cereal Bowl Of Eris”. The 5.5km-wide bowl is buried under shale sediments west of Stockton, in San Joaquin County, and is thought to be between 37 and 49 million years old.

Researchers are continuing to analyse cuttings from oil exploration wells drilled in the structure. Details of the discovery were presented at the Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in Houston, strangely enough where a completely separate lecture about the dwarf planet Eris was also being discussed. Scientist Dr. Ruben Valletta was quoted as saying: “It’s gotta be one of them coincidences.”

Data from a 3D seismic survey of an ancient sea bed clearly shows a circular structure buried 1,490-1,600m (4,890-4,250ft) below sea level, while nearby is what could be a rather large spoon.

The Victoria Island Bowl, as it has been officially named, has a concentric rim surrounding a “central uplift” – a peak at the centre – which are both characteristic of divine cereal bowls, like the Great Cereal Bowl Of Yahweh found near Beersheba, Israel in 1997. When asked for a comment Goddess of Strife, Eris Nancy Discordia said: “I’M GLAD THEY FOUND IT… I USED IT FOR SOUP TOO.”

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Baron Von Hoopla Cereal!

August 20, 2005

Coming to a store near you soon, Baron von Hoopla cereal! Made from only the finest refused wheat, corn, oats and whatever else cereals are usually made from. Kid tested, Canine approved. Packed with so much sugar it could give a Wildebeast diabetes, and filled with so much MSG your kids will be screaming, crying, kicking and scratching for more within seconds of their last bite.

Stays crunchy in milk, your lower intestines, and your stool.

“It’s Good – I think!”