Archive for the ‘Discordianism’ Category

Discordian T-shirt

April 19, 2007

Envy, Gummo:4, 6006 YD

I love this t-shirt. I stumbled across it on Flickr, and am seriously considering contacting the photographer to inquire where I could get one.

This image was originally posted on Flickr by heartbeaz. The original caption is reprinted below exactly as it was on Flickr.

“Das 23c3-T-Shirt von vorne, Aufschrift “23rd Chaos Communication Congress” und “Who can you trust?”, hinten ist nichts.”

For Anyone Who Think Pagans And Discordians Get Along…

April 13, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:71, 6006 YD (later)

This is from Episkopos Cain’s blog, and was written by him. If you would like to read the original, with applicable links, please click here.

Episkopos Cain:

Now I am not normally one for internet drama, unless its particularly funny, but this is a special situation and deserves some scrutiny.

Now, I’ve been on the internet, in a regular sense and as a Discordian, for about 3 years now. And each time I have tried, as a Discordian, to interact with Pagans, it has failed miserably except for a very few exceptional people.

First off there was the jack-offs at the now defunct Obsidian Mirror. To be fair, it was only really two admins out of the three who were the real problem and neither of them was the owner of the site or the forum in question (the forum was hosted elsewhere), but it was a flavour of what was to come.

Next was Mystic Wicks. A few of us from decided to help out Verthaine with some work he was doing over there. At first, it all went well and we were integrating well with, I thought, the majority of Pagans there. Boy was I wrong. The owner and his minions came down on us like a ton of bricks, pretty much based on our irreligion and refusal to be impressed by their admin powers. However, there is much more to that and if you want the full story you can sign up at Eris Bar and Grill to read up on the events.

After that, a few of us became suspicious. It seemed like most times we tried to interact in a non-hostile/O:MF way with any other religion, we became public enemy number one. Kind of flattering, in a way, but not when you really have no ill intent. I suppose it just goes to prove how threatening our irreligion is to conventional order, even of supposedly open and permissive religions with a history of persecution (both real and imagined).

So, I was thinking of giving Paganism at large another chance and went over to Spiritual Forums. At first it looked good, maybe a bit strict with speech for my liking (no swearing etc) but otherwise fine. However, after I was asked to explain my religion by a forum regular, my links to POEE and were deleted for being “commercial” and “mocking real religions”. I was also informed that Discordianism was not a real religion and that if I insisted it was, I would end up banned (you wont find this thread by the way, it has been deleted, because it shows the admins breaking their own rules).

I tried to reason with the admin, with sensible debate. However, all Discordian threads were locked down and we were told to go discuss them in the Lounge, which is sort of the main chat area of the forum. Anyone who did so, however, got banned. I tried to mediate with a PM to one of the moderators, however when I tried to log on the next day, I was informed I had been banned for the High Crime of being a Discordian. A proxy got me back on, where I found this lovely little message awaiting me:

To all SubGenius, Pastafarian, Last Thursdayism and Discordians, you are not welcome at this forum, and any new members suspected of being such will be banned.

I know this is harsh and drastic, but if this is left unchecked, they could very well destroy this forum. I hope our long term and regular members understand the need for such action.
Now, I know I was foolish for trusting the benevolence of such an obvious Greyface, but even I didn’t expect this harsh a response. There was some trolling, I admit, but it was in response to the unfair banning of several people, who had the audacity to stand on their hind legs and act like they had a spine.

To date, they have banned every new member, claiming they are a Discordian, or abusive, or without any reason at all.

I think that its fair to say that interaction with the vast majority of Pagan religions is now pretty much impossible for me to do. These jackasses should know better, but their CoN programming means when they get hit by a bigger religion, they find someone smaller and weirder to retaliate against. Predictable, really. To quote the Good Reverend Roger on such matters:

I am getting just a little sick and tired of being the whipping boy for every two bit wannabe “Pagan” that comes down the pike. It occurs to me also that I really don’t feel the need to keep patiently explaining things to assholes who have had their minds made up by their masters.

I think I’ve really had enough of their shit, and it’s high time I did something about it. Indeed, I think it’s high time I SHIT MY HATE. Never liked those fuckers, anyway….Sorry, I guess I’m just an asshole. Or even a Discordian. A badwrong Discordian that really doesn’t feel the need to put up with their bullshit, anymore. I never signed up to be anyone’s fucking doormat, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put up with this…

The fucking Wiccans want to hate on us? Okay, no sweat. But don’t be shocked when I hate right back. Fuck them AND their hypocritical fucking “karma rule”.

That was written after MW, but it still applies. I have no problem if you want to debate or discuss or even not believe in Discordianism. Thats not the issue. What is the issue is that the Pagan world seems to need a new whipping boy now Christianity has some teeth again and Islam is even more crazy. Sorry, this religion wasn’t made for persecution. And unlike certain Pagans, we don’t whine and try to be morally superior, or find a smaller religion to pick on. We fight back.

If you do want some sites where Discordians are welcomed, but not in the majority, then I suggest either Mystic Awakenings (where the owners are friendly and there is a Discordian/Subgenii mod) or Questing Spirits, where the owner herself is very much a Chaote.

But as for the rest of you, you may wanna watch out. This latest incident has pretty much proved Discordianism cannot seem to coexist with elitist windbags and two bit wannabes. I think its safe to say in the future, we wont be as nice or as forgiving as we have been…

5 Discordian Archetypes

March 30, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:57, 6006 YD (later)

I didn’t write this piece; I found it on Dr.Jon’s blog, and he says he found it here and here. A good theory, in my opinion.

5 Discordian Archetypes:

the Hung Mung totem, or philosophical type Discordian: these are a big fan of using statements like “Nietzsche says” (a fun party game, much moreso than Simon says, but let’s not get into that) or “Thornley and Hill skid into existentialism here”, or “Discordianism is the logical progression of surrealism” and other statements like that to justify why they’re laughing at a 50 year old joke instead of finding the purpose of life, solving the problem of ego, or hooking me up with free cable (and yes, Discordianism is one of the few things in life that is nihilistic and existentialistic simultaneously. Deal with it). They are wonderful people to have on your side in an argument about Ayn Rand, but get a little dull sometimes.

the Van Van Mojo, or magick type Discordian: These folks may call themselves “neo-pagans”, “witches”, “occultists”, “chaotes”, “lv10wizard\lv5psion\lv5sorcerors” or any other number of names, but what they mean is “I light candles, chant, draw sigils and may or may not practice tantric sex, ergo I am awesome”. They are big fans of “calling the pentagon”, giving elemental significance to the 5 apostles, and giving elemental significance to the 5 basic elements (I got boom=fire, sweet= water, prickle=air, pungent=earth, and orange=spirit), and other things like that. Unfortunately, they usualy suck at card tricks, so they lose.

the Sri Syadasti, or psychedelic type Discordian: Ah the Syadasti Discordian. He giggles when its 4:20 and has almost as many Phish albums as he does stories about last year’s Burning Man festival. They’re fun but get rapidly tedious, and if they become convinced you’re from the CIA, its all over (I would tell you to ask Mord the Foul about Lord Omar’s later years, but alas, “they” got to both those pour souls)

the Zarathud, or traditional Discordian: This group loves to go on and on about how much modern Discordianism has deviated from the original vision and why this is bad. These are few and far between, but they are growing, and they’re insidious “Back-to-Principia” movement is gaining sway in many prominent swing states.

the the Elder Malaclypse, or way-out-there Discordian: Our last sub-type are, well, way out there. These people aren’t weird for philosophical reasons, or cuz they’re tripping, or cuz Eris appeared to them after 4 hours of chanting in sanskrit. They’re weird because that’s that and if you think shoes shaped like dinosaur feet aren’t proper attire for a job interview well then you’re just not getting it. These people will either re-define our faith, our eat your dog while composing a symphony made of computer error sounds. Possibly both.

RAW Discusses Discordianism

March 21, 2007

Lust, Groucho:48, 6006 YD

Five Blind Men And An Elephant

February 16, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:15, 6006 YD

by: Reverend Loveshade

One day five blind men, who knew nothing of elephants, went to examine one to find out what it was. Reaching out randomly, each touched it in a different spot. One man touched the side, one an ear, one a leg, one a tusk, and one the trunk. Each satisfied that he now knew the true nature of the beast, they all sat down to discuss it.

“We now know that the elephant is like a wall,” said the one who touched the side. “The evidence is conclusive.”

“I believe you are mistaken, sir,” said the one who touched an ear. “The elephant is more like a large fan.”

“You are both wrong,” said the leg man. “The creature is obviously like a tree.”

“A tree?” questioned the tusk toucher. “How can you mistake a spear for a tree?”

“What?” said the trunk feeler. “A spear is long and round, but anyone knows it doesn’t move. Couldn’t you feel the muscles? It’s definitely a type of snake! A blind man could see that!” said the fifth blind man.

The argument grew more heated, and finally escalated into a battle, for each of the five had followers. This became known as the Battle of the Five Armies (not to be mistaken for the one described by that Tolkien fellow).

However, before they could totally destroy themselves, a blind, self-declared Discordian oracle came along to see what all the fuss was about. While they were beating the crap out of each other, she examined the elephant. But instead of stopping after one feel, she touched the whole thing, including the tail, which felt like a rope. “It’s just a big animal with big sides, ears, feet, tusk teeth,
nose and a skinny tail,” she thought. “What a bunch of fools these guys are.”

She then said “Stop! I have discovered the truth. I know who is right.”

She being an oracle and all, they stopped and listened and said “tell us!”

“I have examined the elephant with mine own two hands,” she said, “and I find that you are all right.”

“How can this be?” they asked. “Can an elephant be a wall and a fan and a tree and a spear and a snake?” And they were sorely confused.

She explained “the elephant is a great Tree, and on this tree grow leaves like great Fans to give most wondrous shade and fan the breeze. And the branches of this tree are like Spears to protect it. For this is the Tree of Creation and of Eternal Life, and the Great Serpent hangs still upon it.

“Unfortunately, it is hidden behind a great Wall, which is why it was not discovered until this very day. It cannot be reached by normal means.

“However I, in my wisdom, have discovered a Most Holy Rope, by which the wall may be climbed. And if one touches the tree in the proper manner which I alone know, you will gain Eternal Life.”

They all became highly interested in this, of course.

She then named an extremely high price for her services (Eternal Life doesn’t come cheap), and made quite a bundle.

Moral: Anyone can lead blind men to an elephant, but a Discordian can charge admission.

The Dreadlock Recollections

February 13, 2007

Greed, Groucho:12, 6006 YD

The never before published autobiography of Kerry Wendell Thornley (co-founder of modern Discordianism) is finally available to all, both WiseAsses and Cabbages alike . . . officially known as “The Dreadlock Recollections”, but known as “Issue 17” of Trevor Blake’s OVO ‘zine to friends, the book reads as a chilling confession to murderous mind control and a knowing satire of the paranoid mind.

**EDIT** Episkopos Cain pointed out that this is the better link to go to, as it is the more recent version. Thanks, Cain.

We Have Opposition

February 9, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:8, 6006 YD

Strolling throughout the blog world I came across this site, which amused me to no end.

We Discordians are much more dangerous than I expected.

Hail Eris

This Is OUR Century, Assholes

January 17, 2007

Lust, Chico:58, 6006 YD

“We do not apologize for a damned thing.”
-Ralph “Sonny” Barger, from Ridin’ High, Livin’ Free (p. 184)

“I suppose that in any well-ordered society people like us would be locked up or shot. But then you would have to get people like us to do the locking up and the shooting.”
-Jim Morris, from War Story (p. 158)

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
-Arthur Schopenhauer

Yeah, thats right. This century belongs to us, the asshats, the Discordians, the Subgenii, the “crazies”, those non-authoritarian and radical movements opposed to the fundamentalist wave of churches, be they the “old religions”, New Age or otherwise. The time of your faith is dead, we bought the lease to the planet and now we’re willing to chuck the tenants out, before they cause any more damage. And not a moment too soon.

Look around you, o little Cabbage. Look how much your churches and faiths spend each year on recruiting. Look how far they go in their brainwashing tactics, promotion of mass hysteria and control over political bodies. Even killing people for not belonging to the right sect of your nearly identical religions! You’re hanging on, but only though great use of resources.

Then look at us. We’re all free men and women on this voyage. No-one forced us to join, there are no atrocities to our names, we don’t ram our religion down your throats through TV, marketing, or the state. We could, if we really wanted to, but we don’t. We don’t take to the streets, we don’t ram the airwaves full of our crap and we don’t try to buy politicians to bend the law to our own views. And yet we continue to grow. Maybe only a few hundred each year, or a few thousand, but there are already so many of us its impossible to keep count. Like the process of water on a rock, we will wear you down.

Its even expanding to politics. How many are catching on that the Right, Left and Centre parties are all backed by the same interests, that their only difference is which rights they want to strip from us? And so we continue to grow, the political non-Elucidians, the religiously anti-authoritarian.

The thing is, you will hand it all over to us. We want it all and we are willing to take it. But not just yet. We’ll shock and cause outrage among you, getting onto your networks as something to be vilified, which works out nicely for us, as most smart people have realized by now if your lot don’t like it, then it may just be worth looking at. You’ll do all the real work and hand it over to us on a silver platter. It will only take minimum effort on our part, really.

Your time is over. People aren’t interested in an “all loving” asshole of a deity who does nothing for them and makes their life hell for the smallest of irrational transgressions. Instead, they want to know who messed this place up so much, and who to blame. They want to strike back. Some even want the Truth, something in very short supply thanks to your dogma. Most of all, they want to laugh and to have a religion that doesn’t need severity and hellishly boring rituals, because those things are not only unnecessary but useless too. How many spent their whole life in such austere living, only to die of some terrible disease? To not have their prayer’s answered? Thats not to say Discordians don’t get sick or get their prayer’s answered, but they don’t promise that either.

This is our time and our century. You only live in it because we let you live in it. It might just be worth remembering that, once we move from the ridicule to violent opposition, once you realize we really mean what we say. Because we are the wave of the future, and it would be terrible to have to start using your own tactics on you.

You want an image of the future? Imagine this. A foot, stamping on a cabbage’s head, forever. You better believe it, pal.

A Statement from the Project for a Discordian Century (a PFLD sponsored think tank)

Episkopos Cain


January 11, 2007

Envy, Chico:52, 6006 YD

Robert Anton Wilson, writer, philosopher, guerilla ontologist, stand-up comedian, checked out from Sol-3 this morning, and word from our agents on the ‘other side’ is that he is currently inundating YHVH (a.k.a “Yahweh”, “Jehovah”, “Frankie No-Thumbs”) with a complicated list of overly-detailed questions.

Hail Eris.

illustration by Antony Hare

He Became One Of Us

January 4, 2007

Envy, Chico:45, 6006 YD

Religious Movements Homepage: Discordianism

Be sure to read the notes at the bottom of the page . . . Yes, Rick met with the Dealey Lama in Dallas, and was converted. He now heads the Temple of the E.’.E.’. in Chicago.