Archive for the ‘Episkopos Cain’ Category


April 27, 2007

Gluttony, Gummo:12, 6006 YD

by: Episkopos Cain

Who are we?

Its safe to say that we are, first and foremost, people who think change is not only possible in this world, but a necessity. We have reached a cultural dead end, where any new values are either quietly co-opted to serve the needs of an elite, or as a false “choice” in a society that no longer understands the meaning of the word.

True change is not impossible, but it is deemed dangerous by those who benefit from the way things are now. Subversive and radical ideologies that fail to understand this are doomed to failure as they become part of a larger overall system within society. An idea may be revolutionary for its time, but within 10 years it will have been bastardized and sold on a t-shirt. They become, just like everything else, another resource to be exploited, a lifestyle choice instead of a choice of life.

In the past, we have often witnessed political revolutions, but rarely social ones. A revival of life, with meaning beyond shrill partisan screeching and the bottom line, must be advanced towards. A renaissance, if you will, of modern life. However, this can only arise through understanding of and discrediting the current system.

We are, above all else, neophiles. We seek an uncertain but better future over an unpleasant present. And there is no greater goal than that.

For Anyone Who Think Pagans And Discordians Get Along…

April 13, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:71, 6006 YD (later)

This is from Episkopos Cain’s blog, and was written by him. If you would like to read the original, with applicable links, please click here.

Episkopos Cain:

Now I am not normally one for internet drama, unless its particularly funny, but this is a special situation and deserves some scrutiny.

Now, I’ve been on the internet, in a regular sense and as a Discordian, for about 3 years now. And each time I have tried, as a Discordian, to interact with Pagans, it has failed miserably except for a very few exceptional people.

First off there was the jack-offs at the now defunct Obsidian Mirror. To be fair, it was only really two admins out of the three who were the real problem and neither of them was the owner of the site or the forum in question (the forum was hosted elsewhere), but it was a flavour of what was to come.

Next was Mystic Wicks. A few of us from decided to help out Verthaine with some work he was doing over there. At first, it all went well and we were integrating well with, I thought, the majority of Pagans there. Boy was I wrong. The owner and his minions came down on us like a ton of bricks, pretty much based on our irreligion and refusal to be impressed by their admin powers. However, there is much more to that and if you want the full story you can sign up at Eris Bar and Grill to read up on the events.

After that, a few of us became suspicious. It seemed like most times we tried to interact in a non-hostile/O:MF way with any other religion, we became public enemy number one. Kind of flattering, in a way, but not when you really have no ill intent. I suppose it just goes to prove how threatening our irreligion is to conventional order, even of supposedly open and permissive religions with a history of persecution (both real and imagined).

So, I was thinking of giving Paganism at large another chance and went over to Spiritual Forums. At first it looked good, maybe a bit strict with speech for my liking (no swearing etc) but otherwise fine. However, after I was asked to explain my religion by a forum regular, my links to POEE and were deleted for being “commercial” and “mocking real religions”. I was also informed that Discordianism was not a real religion and that if I insisted it was, I would end up banned (you wont find this thread by the way, it has been deleted, because it shows the admins breaking their own rules).

I tried to reason with the admin, with sensible debate. However, all Discordian threads were locked down and we were told to go discuss them in the Lounge, which is sort of the main chat area of the forum. Anyone who did so, however, got banned. I tried to mediate with a PM to one of the moderators, however when I tried to log on the next day, I was informed I had been banned for the High Crime of being a Discordian. A proxy got me back on, where I found this lovely little message awaiting me:

To all SubGenius, Pastafarian, Last Thursdayism and Discordians, you are not welcome at this forum, and any new members suspected of being such will be banned.

I know this is harsh and drastic, but if this is left unchecked, they could very well destroy this forum. I hope our long term and regular members understand the need for such action.
Now, I know I was foolish for trusting the benevolence of such an obvious Greyface, but even I didn’t expect this harsh a response. There was some trolling, I admit, but it was in response to the unfair banning of several people, who had the audacity to stand on their hind legs and act like they had a spine.

To date, they have banned every new member, claiming they are a Discordian, or abusive, or without any reason at all.

I think that its fair to say that interaction with the vast majority of Pagan religions is now pretty much impossible for me to do. These jackasses should know better, but their CoN programming means when they get hit by a bigger religion, they find someone smaller and weirder to retaliate against. Predictable, really. To quote the Good Reverend Roger on such matters:

I am getting just a little sick and tired of being the whipping boy for every two bit wannabe “Pagan” that comes down the pike. It occurs to me also that I really don’t feel the need to keep patiently explaining things to assholes who have had their minds made up by their masters.

I think I’ve really had enough of their shit, and it’s high time I did something about it. Indeed, I think it’s high time I SHIT MY HATE. Never liked those fuckers, anyway….Sorry, I guess I’m just an asshole. Or even a Discordian. A badwrong Discordian that really doesn’t feel the need to put up with their bullshit, anymore. I never signed up to be anyone’s fucking doormat, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put up with this…

The fucking Wiccans want to hate on us? Okay, no sweat. But don’t be shocked when I hate right back. Fuck them AND their hypocritical fucking “karma rule”.

That was written after MW, but it still applies. I have no problem if you want to debate or discuss or even not believe in Discordianism. Thats not the issue. What is the issue is that the Pagan world seems to need a new whipping boy now Christianity has some teeth again and Islam is even more crazy. Sorry, this religion wasn’t made for persecution. And unlike certain Pagans, we don’t whine and try to be morally superior, or find a smaller religion to pick on. We fight back.

If you do want some sites where Discordians are welcomed, but not in the majority, then I suggest either Mystic Awakenings (where the owners are friendly and there is a Discordian/Subgenii mod) or Questing Spirits, where the owner herself is very much a Chaote.

But as for the rest of you, you may wanna watch out. This latest incident has pretty much proved Discordianism cannot seem to coexist with elitist windbags and two bit wannabes. I think its safe to say in the future, we wont be as nice or as forgiving as we have been…

Bizarre Courtroom Story

April 13, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:71, 6006 YD

Words cannot describe. Click this link to read Episkopos Cain‘s courtoom story from Sondra London.

Hail Eris.

Smash The Tablets Of Law

March 27, 2007

Greed, Groucho:54, 6006 YD

by: Episkopos Cain

I thought I had woken up after sleeping uncomfortably in bed, however, this couldn’t be true as there was no longer any bed under me, only a sparkly brown and yellow dirt. I stood up and looked around me. In the distance were mountains, far closer was a low flat topped hill. It was like nowhere I had been before, yet intimately familiar. Then I saw her. Dressed in full bronze armour, a helmet over her head and a double bladed sword in her hand, she walked up to me. As I got closer, I saw that her hair and armour were covered in blood, a large shield with an apple covering it, the word written on it clearly visible.

“Ah” I said. “OK then. Whats all this about?”

The golden eyes within the helm looked at me. “Its for my amusement and for your possible education. After all, isn’t all life
but a learning experience?”

“I thought that was all Yahweh’s shit, testing people and so on?”

“Its not really a test though, is it? You can’t fail, or succeed, only learn from it.”

With that, she beckoned, then turned and started to walk away. I followed, seeing what she had in store. We stopped suddenly. Looking down, I saw two weapons on the ground, a short sword and a hammer. “Choose only one” she said. I thought for a moment, then reached for the hammer. The sword had the advantage of an edge, but was purely a killing weapon. Hammers had utility in their favour. I stood back up straight, but Eris had vanished. Making my way back to the plains, I saw suddenly a flurry of activity there. Walking down the hill, I saw that they were men and women, all busily at work, consuming the resources of the area to make new things. But as I drew closer there were other things I noticed.

They walked curiously, sometimes bumping into others thats transected their paths. Instead of stopping or apologizing, they just carried on. Occasionally when it came to several against one, the one got trampled on. I also watched as they fashioned bladed items and handed them to others, cutting them as they grabbed it and took it to other areas around the plains, where they were dumped in piles for more blind drones to fall over. One man just ate continually as he walked, whatever he could find, if it was food or rock he didn’t care. Blood ran from his mouth and there were children following him, crying out in hunger. Seeing as he was closest, I walked up beside him and shouted “hey!” It didn’t have an effect, so I attempted to grab some of the food he had held against his body by his arm. Immediately, he grabbed me and shouted “get off my stuff, FUCKER!” and nearly broke my arm shoving me to the ground. I let him walk on, then dusted myself off and rubbed my arm until some life came back into it.

Getting up and moving on, I made my slow way to the flat hill I had seen at the centre of the plains, watching as I went the mechanical scenes of destruction and mindless suffering. Making my way onto the flat surface, I saw someone had erected a huge tablet in the centre, with writing on it. Getting closer, the writing was obvious. Words and phrases jumped out, such as “everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order …”.

Under that though, other words could be noticed, as I drew closer, such as “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” But under that there were even older scratchings and carvings. I made out one barely, that read “ now on, till (Ahura) Mazda grants me the kingdom favor, I will impose my monarchy on no nation. Each is free to accept it , and if any one of them rejects it , I never resolve on war to reign.” But even under these carvings there were the oldest ones, the ones that had always been there. “Blood shall be spilled and more blood, for there is never enough…”, “war brings strength and only the strong have the right to rule” and “cities of the nations the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them–the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites– as the LORD your God has commanded you. Otherwise, they will teach.”

I had an idea as to what to do. Lifting the hammer, I swung as hard as possible and struck the tablet. As the first crack appeared, everyone stopped what they were doing, at started to move towards me, an urgency in their step that I hadn’t seen before propelling them. Spurred on, I struck again and again, until the tablet crumbled, its lower sections totally destroyed, collapsing in on itself. But what I saw horrified me. Instead of stopping what they had been doing, or even attacking me, the crowds had turned on each other. They were spilling blood and crushing bones, like a horrible theatre that would never end. I noticed that an armoured figure was beside me again. “Why are they doing this?” I demanded. “Why didn’t it help them?”

“Whoever said it would help?” came the reply from under the helm. “You think they want to have their illusions ripped from them, the true extent of their handiwork displayed for them and everyone else to see? They’ll torture themselves with guilt, unless they can lay the blame on someone else. You were a target first, but then they saw what those around them forced them to do too. Consider the lesson taught.”

I looked back, and no-one was there.

Rethinking Quince

January 19, 2007

Gluttony, Chico:60, 6006 YD

Earlier this month I reported about the possibility of the Apple Of Discord actually being a Quince . . . however, Episkopos Cain has done some digging around and has found more information on the subject . . . as he says, the Toronto Star is hardly the place to look into matters of mythological history.

For that, one would obviously go to the Toronto Sun.

This Is OUR Century, Assholes

January 17, 2007

Lust, Chico:58, 6006 YD

“We do not apologize for a damned thing.”
-Ralph “Sonny” Barger, from Ridin’ High, Livin’ Free (p. 184)

“I suppose that in any well-ordered society people like us would be locked up or shot. But then you would have to get people like us to do the locking up and the shooting.”
-Jim Morris, from War Story (p. 158)

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
-Arthur Schopenhauer

Yeah, thats right. This century belongs to us, the asshats, the Discordians, the Subgenii, the “crazies”, those non-authoritarian and radical movements opposed to the fundamentalist wave of churches, be they the “old religions”, New Age or otherwise. The time of your faith is dead, we bought the lease to the planet and now we’re willing to chuck the tenants out, before they cause any more damage. And not a moment too soon.

Look around you, o little Cabbage. Look how much your churches and faiths spend each year on recruiting. Look how far they go in their brainwashing tactics, promotion of mass hysteria and control over political bodies. Even killing people for not belonging to the right sect of your nearly identical religions! You’re hanging on, but only though great use of resources.

Then look at us. We’re all free men and women on this voyage. No-one forced us to join, there are no atrocities to our names, we don’t ram our religion down your throats through TV, marketing, or the state. We could, if we really wanted to, but we don’t. We don’t take to the streets, we don’t ram the airwaves full of our crap and we don’t try to buy politicians to bend the law to our own views. And yet we continue to grow. Maybe only a few hundred each year, or a few thousand, but there are already so many of us its impossible to keep count. Like the process of water on a rock, we will wear you down.

Its even expanding to politics. How many are catching on that the Right, Left and Centre parties are all backed by the same interests, that their only difference is which rights they want to strip from us? And so we continue to grow, the political non-Elucidians, the religiously anti-authoritarian.

The thing is, you will hand it all over to us. We want it all and we are willing to take it. But not just yet. We’ll shock and cause outrage among you, getting onto your networks as something to be vilified, which works out nicely for us, as most smart people have realized by now if your lot don’t like it, then it may just be worth looking at. You’ll do all the real work and hand it over to us on a silver platter. It will only take minimum effort on our part, really.

Your time is over. People aren’t interested in an “all loving” asshole of a deity who does nothing for them and makes their life hell for the smallest of irrational transgressions. Instead, they want to know who messed this place up so much, and who to blame. They want to strike back. Some even want the Truth, something in very short supply thanks to your dogma. Most of all, they want to laugh and to have a religion that doesn’t need severity and hellishly boring rituals, because those things are not only unnecessary but useless too. How many spent their whole life in such austere living, only to die of some terrible disease? To not have their prayer’s answered? Thats not to say Discordians don’t get sick or get their prayer’s answered, but they don’t promise that either.

This is our time and our century. You only live in it because we let you live in it. It might just be worth remembering that, once we move from the ridicule to violent opposition, once you realize we really mean what we say. Because we are the wave of the future, and it would be terrible to have to start using your own tactics on you.

You want an image of the future? Imagine this. A foot, stamping on a cabbage’s head, forever. You better believe it, pal.

A Statement from the Project for a Discordian Century (a PFLD sponsored think tank)

Episkopos Cain

A Quince A Day . . .

December 7, 2006

Envy, Chico:17, 6006 YD

This article conveniently leaves out the Goddess who started the whole shenanigan – typical. Still, something to think about . . . if an orange can be a golden apple, why not a quince?

Read on!


`They dined on mince, and slices of quince Which they ate with a runcible spoon’

—The Owl and the Pussycat

Edward Lear’s owl and pussycat used a runcible spoon (a spot of nonsense, really) to eat quince. In Toronto, you need a microscope just to find the stuff on restaurant menus.

Quince is/are fruit, albeit with profound history and subtle charm. The lumpy yellow orb is the very same golden apple that Aphrodite gave to Paris in classical mythology, causing the Trojan War.

Related to the apple, pear and rose families, quince contains the best qualities of all of its cousins — versatility, texture and exotic perfume. It swings both sweet and savoury, whether grated into buttermilk pancakes or stewed in a grappa-spiked barbecue sauce. Ruby-red quince preserves were once beloved in England. In Spain, they still accompany sliced manchego cheese.

Toronto chefs have been slower to respond to quince. Jamie Kennedy Wine Bar on Church St. has been known to serve quince-glazed quail. Tutti Matti on Adelaide St. W. sometimes pairs quince jelly with taleggio as an appetizer, or with roast pheasant as a Tuscan entrée, while the new Globe Bistro on Danforth Ave. whisks quince jelly into a vinaigrette for Cookstown Greens.

Yet there’s no quince on the menu at the new Quince Restaurant on Yonge St. The sole use of quince here is a chutney promised by the waitress with the cheese plate — but it was missing at my last visit.

In San Francisco, the unrelated Quince Restaurant has duck in red wine-quince sauce, and a warm quince marmalade tarte.

(Granted, maybe our restaurants shouldn’t cook their namesake ingredients. Who’d want to eat at The Magpie or The Beaver if they did?)

With quince now in season, selling for $1 to $3 each at major supermarkets, the home chef has a chance to get acquainted with it. Put quince in your fruit bowl until it softens — the aroma will perfume the whole room.

Quince is too tart to eat raw and blushes pink when cooked. It works well with apple, as in the following recipe. First poached in syrup, then sprinkled with a buttery crumb topping, the recipe shows quince at its best.

And you don’t even need a runcible spoon.

Follow this link for the original story

Ancient Greeks And Eris

October 23, 2006

Pride, Harpo:45, 6006 YD

written by Episkopos Cain

According to Hesiod in his Theogony, Eris is the daughter of Nyx, that is night. Those versed in Chinese philosophy will immediately make the connection between Yin and Nyx, the feminime, the dark and the cold.

However, Eris bucks the trend when it comes to the usual passivity associated with that principle. She is also the sister of Ares, which should give you a clue as to her temperment.

Eris is also the mother of the Kakodaimones, the evil spirits which plagued mankind, according to Hesiod. These he names as “Toil, and Forgetfulness, and Starvation, and the Pains, full of weeping, the Fightings and the Battles, the Murders and the Man-slaughters, the Quarrels, the Lies, the Disputes, and Lawlessness and Ruin, who share one another’s natures, and Oath who does more damage than any other to earthly men, when anyone, of his knowledge, swears to a false oath.”

These are also traditionally seen as the ill fates that were bound in Pandora’s Box. In fact, in Greek, the link is explicit in the mind of the poet. That would also imply that Hope is one of the children of Eris. Something to keep in mind, I feel.

For you fans of coincidence, Hesiod has a warning about the number 5. And I quote “Beware of all the fifth days [of the month]; for they are harsh and angry; it was on the fifth, they say, that the Erinyes assisted at the bearing of Horkos, whom Eris bore, to be a plague on those who take false oath.” – Hesiod, Works and Days 804

However, Eris was mostly viewed as the Goddess of the Strife of War. With the regularity at which the Greeks fought, this is perhaps unsurprising. Her first mention of battle is in the Trojan War. According to Hesiod again, “[Eris] is hateful … [she is the one] who builds up evil war, and slaughter. She is harsh; no man loves her, but under compulsion and by will of the immortals, men promote this rough Eris (Strife).” – Hesiod, Works and Days 11

In the war, she took the side of the Trojans, along with her brother Ares and his two sons, Phobos (Terror) and Deimos (Fear), against the rest of the Olympians and the Greek invaders. Homer described her as follows “only a little thing at the first, but thereafter grows until she strides on the earth with her head striking heaven. She then hurled down bitterness equally between both sides as she walked through the onslaught making men’s pain heavier.” – Homer, Iliad 4.441

Eris even disobeyed Zeus and continued to fight, as the Lord of Olympus had commanded every God to retreat and let this stage of the war be a purely human affair.

Later on, she is seen on the battlefield with Confusion and Death, dragging dead bodies in a way reminiscint of what fate befell Hector after his challenge. “These stood their ground and fought a battle by the banks of the river, and they were making casts at each other with their spears bronze-headed; and Eris was there with Kydoimos (Confusion) among them, and Ker (Death) the destructive; she was holding a live man with a new wound, and another one unhurt, and dragged a dead man by the feet through the carnage.” – Homer, Iliad 18.535

Eris also gifted the Amazonian Queen with an immensely dangerous weapon, presumably of her creation; “a huge halberd, sharp of either blade, which terrible Eris gave to Ares’ child to be her Titan weapon in the strife [of the Trojan War] that raveneth souls of men.” – Quintus Smyrnaeus, Fall of Troy 1.158

She also gets a bonus mention in one of Aesops fables, funnily enough along with the mention of an apple and a very Taoist piece of advice from Athena:

“Herakles was making his way through a narrow pass. He saw something that looked like an apple lying on the ground and he tried to smash it with his club. After having been struck by the club, the thing swelled up to twice its size. Herakles struck it again with his club, even harder than before, and the thing then expanded to such a size that it blocked Herakles’s way. Herakles let go of his club and stood there, amazed. Athena saw him and said, ‘O Herakles, don’t be so surprised! This thing that has brought about your confusion is Aporia (Contentiousness) and Eris (Strife). If you just leave it alone, it stays small; but if you decide to fight it, then it swells from its small size and grows large.” – Aesop, Fables 534 (from Chambry 129)

Eris was not limited to strife on the battlefield though, the strife which inflicts married life is also mentioned. “One day they [Polytekhnos and Aedon of Kolophon in Lydia] blurted out the needless remark that they loved each other more than did Hera and Zeus. Hera found what was said to be insupportable and sent Eris (Discord) between them to create strife in their activities.”- Antoninus Liberalis, Metamorphoses 11

The story of the Golden Apple is an interesting one too. “And all the race of gods hasted to do honour to the white-armed bride [Thetis at her wedding to Peleus] … But Eris (Strife) [alone] did Kheiron [who sent out the invitations] leave unhonoured: Kheiron did not regard her and Peleus heeded her not …” so Eris “she bethought her of the golden apples of the Hesperides. Thence Eris took the fruit that should be the harbinger of war, even the apple, and devised the scheme of signal woes. Whirling her arm she hurled into the banquet the primal seed of turmoil and disturbed the choir of goddesses.” I think we all know the story from there on in (taken from Colluthus, The Rape of Helen 38)

Eris also appears in some other Greek tales, sometimes under the name of Enyo, whom Homer ranked as equal to Athena in martial prowess “[The] goddesses, who range in order the ranks of men in fighting, [are] Athene and Enyo, sacker of cities.” – Homer, Iliad 5.333

She makes many minor appearances in the Theban cycle of poetry, in particular the Thebiad, which tells of the fraticidal violence which eventually led to the epic battle as told by Aeschylus between Eteocles and the army of Thebes and Polynices and his supporters, traditional Theban enemies:

“Fit sentinels hold watch there [the Thracian palace of Mars-Ares]: from the outer gate wild Impetus (Passion) leaps, and blind Nefas (Mishief) and Irae (Angers) flushing red and pallid Metus (Fear), and Insidia (Treachery) lurks with hidden sword, and Discordia (Discord) [Eris] holding a two-edged blade. Minis (Threatenings) innumerable make clamour in the court, sullen Virtus (Valour) stands in the midst, and Furor (Rage) exultant and armed Mors (Death) with blood-stained visage are seated there; no blood but that of wars is on the altars, no fire but snatched from burning cities.” – Statius, Thebaid 7.64

She is also mentioned in Valerius Flaccus’ Argonautica, which is a pretty inferior rewriting of Apollonius of Rhodes’ version of the tale: “Through the terror-stricken air again and again she [Aphrodite leading the Lemnian women to slaughter their unfaithful husbands] makes a strange cry ring … Straightway Pavor (Fear) [Deimos] and insensate Discordia (Strife) [Eris] from her Getic lair, dark-browed Ira (Anger) with pale cheeks, Dolus (Treachery), Rabies (Frenzy) [Lyssa] and towering above the rest Letus (Death) [Ker], her cruel hands bared, come hastening up at the first sound of the Martian consort’s pealing voice that gave the signal.” – Valerius Flaccus, Argonautica 2.200

Eris was also the escort of the dread Demon/Dragon Typhoeus, who Zeus battled deep in the Abyss, though she took no part in the battle itself.

Another important role is in the fascinating Dionysiaca text. Eris appeared in the form of the Goddess Rheia, exhorting him to make battle with the Indian King Deriades, who she later sides with, along with the usual crew of Ares and Fear and Terror.

However, Hesiod mentions there are two Eris’, or at least two aspects to her:

“It was never true that there was only one Eris. There have always been two on earth. There is one you could like when you understand her. The other is hateful. The two Erites have separate natures. There is one Eris who builds up evil war, and slaughter. She is harsh; no man loves her, but under compulsion and by will of the immortals, men promote this rough Eris (Strife). But the other one was born the elder daughter of black Nyx. The son of Kronos, who sits on high and dwells in the bright air set her in the roots of the earth and among men; she is far kinder. She pushes the shiftless man to work, for all his laziness. A man looks at his neighbour, who is rich: then he too wants work; for the rich man presses on with his ploughing and planting and ordering of his estate. So the neighbour envies the neighbour who presses on toward wealth. Such Eris (Strife) is a good friend to mortals.” – Hesiod, Works and Days 11