Archive for the ‘Eris Nancy Discordia’ Category

Cereal Bowl Of Eris Found!

March 19, 2007

Pride, Groucho:46, 6006 YD (later)

CALIFORNIA — Oil exploration work in California’s Central Valley region has uncovered what some scientists have referred to as “The Cereal Bowl Of Eris”. The 5.5km-wide bowl is buried under shale sediments west of Stockton, in San Joaquin County, and is thought to be between 37 and 49 million years old.

Researchers are continuing to analyse cuttings from oil exploration wells drilled in the structure. Details of the discovery were presented at the Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in Houston, strangely enough where a completely separate lecture about the dwarf planet Eris was also being discussed. Scientist Dr. Ruben Valletta was quoted as saying: “It’s gotta be one of them coincidences.”

Data from a 3D seismic survey of an ancient sea bed clearly shows a circular structure buried 1,490-1,600m (4,890-4,250ft) below sea level, while nearby is what could be a rather large spoon.

The Victoria Island Bowl, as it has been officially named, has a concentric rim surrounding a “central uplift” – a peak at the centre – which are both characteristic of divine cereal bowls, like the Great Cereal Bowl Of Yahweh found near Beersheba, Israel in 1997. When asked for a comment Goddess of Strife, Eris Nancy Discordia said: “I’M GLAD THEY FOUND IT… I USED IT FOR SOUP TOO.”

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July 11, 2006

Hi, it’s me . . . Eris. I’ve never been big on self-promotion, I admit it . . . even back in the heydays of Achaea my P.R. was a tad on the warped side . . . but I’ve been thinking about my “comeback” recently, and musing on why it hasn’t blown up like Buddhism, Islam, or Christianity . . . I mean, I come back after galavanting around the Pan-Galaxies for aeons to finally give the people of the mudball Earth some hope and a little bit of insight on their own divine natures, and where does it leave me? With a bunch of skinny, pimply wanna-be anarchists sporting red pubic hair and the faint odour of Cheesies listening to what I had to say – Dynamite . . .

The point is – and always was- you are all as free as you choose to be, and yet you choose not to be, for some sad and strange reason . . . you would rather remain within the inertia of your crumbling society, rather than attempt to change it for the better because it would be “difficult”, or even just “different” . . . What do I need to do to drive this point home? Get my own reality TV show? Run for office? Fly a few planes into some really tall buildings?

Forgive me if I am coming across as bitter, it’s not my intention . . . I just get harassed by a lot of people while wandering up and down the Tree Of Life asking me why I didn’t just buck up and make my message more obvious, more plain . . . as if I my intention was to purposely trick people . . . well, of course it was, but they wouldn’t understand that any better than if I had made it perfectly obvious, perfectly plain. Humans are lazy, lazy beings, which is fine . . . it is the way of the Multiverse after all, otherwise we would have bubbles shaped like cubes and pyramids as I have been requesting for millennia . . . but my point is nobody appreciates anything handed to them on a plate. To hide behind metaphor and allusion is to force people to use their own grey matter, think for themselves. Enrico’s Sacred Bull. This was ultimately a large part of my point, and if it was missed, well . . . don’t come whining to me while I am in the middle of tanning in Tiphareth.

Gulik told me it was a bad idea to appear to two pothead borderline fascists in a bowling alley . . . I guess I owe him a Coke.

-ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA

Interview With Eris

February 7, 2006

BARON VON HOOPLA: I am very happy to be interviewing today the Goddess of Chaos, Confusion, Calamity, and dinky cars: Eris Nancy Discordia. Welcome, Eris.

ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA: Thanks, Hoops.

BVH: Eris, doing my research I found that there weren’t really a lot of ancient legends which depicted you. In fact, I could only find two. Why do you think that was?

END: I could put the blame on Athena or Aphrodite, but we all know the real blame goes on Pan. He got all the gods and goddesses to convince the Greeks that my stories were too fascinating and witty, so they destroyed all copies. Eventually only a couple Bazooka Joe comics were left discarded in Dionysus’s temple which depicted the two legends now available.

BVH: Seriously?

END: Nope.

BVH: Ah, right. Ok, do you think it has anything to do with Gregory Hill and Kerry Thornley’s idea that the Greeks had a warped idea of what Discord is?

END: No, they knew exactly what Discord was; they just didn’t like it.

BVH: Seriously?

END: Maybe.

BVH: Ok. There is a lot of arguing with modern Discordians as to whether or not what you are currently representing is true Discordianism. Some think that modern Discordianism is all clowns and roller-coasters instead of violence and bloodshed and rioting. Which is true?

END: You’re still caught up on true? The problem is that you all think there is a difference. Comedy is Discordianism because it is discordant. Comedy ruffles feathers. And besides, all the other stuff which you describe as violence and bloodshed is always funny to someone. I see no better symbol for Discordianism than a roller-coaster derailing.

BVH: What about the enormous disasters which have been plaguing the world in the last few years?

END: What about them?

BVH: Well, I see a lot of Discordians reacting to the disasters in a rather negative way . . . it seems almost like a lot of them forget that the disasters are pretty much Discord in action.

END: What do you expect? A party?

BVH: No, but it seems strange to me that people who consider themselves followers of Discord being upset or surprised by these disasters.

END: People will always be dismayed by large displays of Discord, if only because humans are naturally adverse to change of any sort. I see no reason why a so-called Discordian should embrace disasters; acknowledging that they are natural and necessary is much more than most others ever do.

BVH: Many consider the central lesson of the Principia Discordia to be that we are truly free; but there are some who seem to take this lesson as permission to act like a completely selfish prick, do you regret that lesson now?

END: First, it wasn’t my lesson; it was Mal2’s filtered through Greg Hill’s brain. I just gave Mal2 the idea. At any rate, those who take the lesson as permission to be a selfish prick are at best being lazy, and at worst being intentionally deceptive. The freedom is freedom from your standard conventions. For example, paper is a reality, would you agree?

BVH: Yes.

END: And printing presses are a reality. BUT, and here is the important part, money is a social fiction. You are enslaved by money only if you choose to be.

BVH: But, isn’t the only way not to be enslaved by money to be homeless or to move to a deserted island.

END: That is not for me to say. That’s where the freedom enters into the picture. You are only repressed by your own mind.

BVH: What acts of Discord are you most proud of?

END: When frozen shit from airplanes falls from the sky to crush people. It’s lowbrow, but it gives me fits of giggles.

BVH: And what pisses you off most?

END: The depiction of me on the television show Xena. I’m still thinking of a really good vindictive way to smite the people who created and worked on that show. Look forward to the ‘Curse Of Xena’ soon.

BVH: Speaking of Xena, that reminds me of Hercules, which reminds me of the only other legend I could find about you, it concerned a conversation you had with Heracles. It seems that you offered him to travel down your path and lead a life of strife and struggle, or he could go down the path of Sloth and lead an easy and lazy life. He picked the path of Eris. Why do you think that is?

END: You already know the answer to that question.

BVH: True. Well, I thank you for the opportunity to let me ask you these questions. Anything else you want to add before we finish?

END: I just wanted to say hi to Athena and Aphrodite, and ask them to ponder how many followers they still have these days.

BVH: There you have it folks, Eris Nancy Discordia, still petty after all these years.