Archive for the ‘Free Speech’ Category

TomKat Pod

July 5, 2005

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am all for free speech, free expression and freedom in general. I believe that anything that doesn’t hurt others should be allowed.

Having said that, I am sick to the gills of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I don’t buy the relationship for a second, and yet also don’t give a shit if it is a sham or not. I don’t care. Do not care.

But . . .

There are obviously people out there who DO care. There must be. Why else would everyone continue to devote so much time to them? Somewhere out there are people who care deeply whether these two shooting stars will find some company on the long slow burn-out toward obscurity.

So . . .

To please people like myself, and yet also please those who care about the Scientology Guru and his soon-to-be-Bride, I propose creating a space pod that is furnished with all the necessities of daily life here on Spaceship Earth, and then shooting the couple into outerspace. The pod would be equipped with several cameras so that those who want to can witness Tom chew all over Katie’s face (daring another killer-dose of mouth-ring herpes to appear) and jumping up and down on the furniture, as is his current wont. The space pod will be broadcast to a single channel at the end of the cable spectrum, dubbed The TomKat Channel, and those who do not want to ever set cones and rods on the two will never have to surf to that particular channel ever again.

Everyone wins.

So, when can we get this plan in action?

I’ll look into it.

Until then, Hail Eris!