Archive for the ‘Happy Apple’ Category

Interview With The "Happy Apple"

February 8, 2007

Envy, Groucho:7, 6006 YD

Yesterday, while in the midst of deep meditation, Dharma Jam and I were abruptly roused from concentration by what seemed to be a voice babbling away to itself. Strangely, while meditating, I had heard a voice whisper “yapple dapple”, but ignored it, thinking it was most likely my tremendous ego, angered again at being ignored.

We followed the sound of the voice, which eventually lead us to -incredibly, I admit- a Fisher-Price “Happy Apple” toy from the 70’s which St.Ray had given to me, and was now used as a mascot for the E.’.E.’.

For reasons unknown to Dharma or myself the Happy Apple has begun to converse, in a sense. At the very least it will answer when asked a question, whether or not the answer is appropriate.

The following is a transcript of an interview I held with the apple:

Q: Do you prefer showers or baths?

A: i like to go swimming with bare naked women

Q: What is your favourite film?

A: yes

Q: What is your hobby?

A: cannibalism

Q: What is your opinion of the opera?

A: is there free booze?

Q: What do you think of the Food Nutrition Guide?

A: fuck it

Q: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?

A: the all night party

Q: What is your stance on Gay Marriage?

A: any hole will do

Q: Do you prefer Blondes, Brunettes, or Redheads?

A: no

Q: What is your favourite drink?

A: a glass of j.d. and a thimble of pabst blue ribbon

Q: Any advice for the kiddies?

A: if you’re going to do something, do it well; then do something
witchy

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