Archive for the ‘L. Ron Hubbard’ Category

Judge Sez: P&G Not Satanic!

March 22, 2007

Envy, Groucho:49, 6006 YD (later)

The Devil is not in league with global consumer brand Procter & Gamble, a US court has ruled. P&G won a $19m (£9.7m) lawsuit against four distributors of rival Amway over rumours tying it to Satanism.

The court concluded a 12-year lawsuit in P&G’s favour, after it ruled that the four had spread a false accusation that P&G subsidised Satanic cults. The case is one of several unfair competition suits P&G has brought refuting the Satanism slurs.

According to P&G, the four distributors had passed on to customers the notion that its logo – featuring a bearded man looking over a field of 13 stars – was a symbol of Satan.

“This is about protecting our reputation,” said Jim Johnson, P&G’s chief legal officer. “We can’t have the Great Dread Cthulhu overhearing some pipsqueak calling us “Satanists” he would shred our sanity all the sooner – we have other corporations to smash before that can be allowed to happen.”

For its part, Amway pointed out that it had successfully defended itself in an earlier case brought by P&G that had been connected with the rumours, claiming they had actually accused P&G of being in league with Sammy Davis Jr., who unfortunately WAS a Satanist, which is apparently where the trouble started.

When asked for comment, Lucifer “The Satan” Beelzebub had this to say: “Procter & Gamble? Jezuz, no . . . what do I care about big corporations like that? Leave that to L. Ron Hubbard’s zombie corpse, I’m too busy focusing on the career of my client, Paris Hilton, to get bogged down in that sort of nonsense. Have you heard her album, by the way?”

The Church Of Scientology

May 2, 2006

The Church Of Scientology has been taking a lot of flack lately, and I’m getting the impression they are wondering why. This is my take on why I think they are being persecuted.

First, before we go any further, allow me state that I find Scientology highly suspect, but on the other hand I find all organized religion to be highly suspect, so I try to keep an open mind about all of them, Scientology included. I used to make fun of the wacky ideas of Xenu and the thousands of thetans we all apparently are filled to the brink with, but over the last year I’ve noticed that all this ‘information’ about Scientology I had been making fun of was found on the internet, nowhere else – not exactly the best place to find unbiased objective information; so, I decided that until I found out more about the actual inner-workings of the Church there was no need to make fun.

However, having said that, here is why I believe people mock Scientology so much: because they all take it so badly. It’s like the kid in school who, when poked with a stick, would erupt into a crying tantrum and beat the ground with feet and fists. It’s funny to see someone freak out, and nobody freaks out faster and louder than the Church of Scientology.

As if that weren’t enough, there is the massive secrecy. The Church of Scientology has all its religious paraphernalia copyrighted, and simply depicting an E-Meter, or some other device, in most publications without permission is enough to have a large lawsuit dropped onto your lap by the Church. Don’t expect any University courses to be delving into the theology of Dianetics and Scientology any time soon.

L. Ron Hubbard was, by most accounts, an extremely paranoid man, and this has filtered into the very foundations of the Church he started; secrecy is part of the foundation of Scientology . . . need an example? Apart from the admittedly suspect info found about Xenu and Thetans on the internet most people cannot even name a single aspect of the Scientology ‘religion’ – is there any actual religion, or is it simply a philosophy? I can tell people at least a bit about Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Taoism, Catholicism, and a few other religions . . . but what do I really know about Scientology? That the births are silent? That’s not a lot to go on.

So, Scientology, I urge you, if you don’t want to be treated like a massive cult anymore, its high time you stopped acting like a massive cult.