Gluttony, Groucho:57, 6006 YD (later)
5 Discordian Archetypes:
the Hung Mung totem, or philosophical type Discordian: these are a big fan of using statements like “Nietzsche says” (a fun party game, much moreso than Simon says, but let’s not get into that) or “Thornley and Hill skid into existentialism here”, or “Discordianism is the logical progression of surrealism” and other statements like that to justify why they’re laughing at a 50 year old joke instead of finding the purpose of life, solving the problem of ego, or hooking me up with free cable (and yes, Discordianism is one of the few things in life that is nihilistic and existentialistic simultaneously. Deal with it). They are wonderful people to have on your side in an argument about Ayn Rand, but get a little dull sometimes.
the Van Van Mojo, or magick type Discordian: These folks may call themselves “neo-pagans”, “witches”, “occultists”, “chaotes”, “lv10wizard\lv5psion\lv5sorcerors” or any other number of names, but what they mean is “I light candles, chant, draw sigils and may or may not practice tantric sex, ergo I am awesome”. They are big fans of “calling the pentagon”, giving elemental significance to the 5 apostles, and giving elemental significance to the 5 basic elements (I got boom=fire, sweet= water, prickle=air, pungent=earth, and orange=spirit), and other things like that. Unfortunately, they usualy suck at card tricks, so they lose.
the Sri Syadasti, or psychedelic type Discordian: Ah the Syadasti Discordian. He giggles when its 4:20 and has almost as many Phish albums as he does stories about last year’s Burning Man festival. They’re fun but get rapidly tedious, and if they become convinced you’re from the CIA, its all over (I would tell you to ask Mord the Foul about Lord Omar’s later years, but alas, “they” got to both those pour souls)
the Zarathud, or traditional Discordian: This group loves to go on and on about how much modern Discordianism has deviated from the original vision and why this is bad. These are few and far between, but they are growing, and they’re insidious “Back-to-Principia” movement is gaining sway in many prominent swing states.
the the Elder Malaclypse, or way-out-there Discordian: Our last sub-type are, well, way out there. These people aren’t weird for philosophical reasons, or cuz they’re tripping, or cuz Eris appeared to them after 4 hours of chanting in sanskrit. They’re weird because that’s that and if you think shoes shaped like dinosaur feet aren’t proper attire for a job interview well then you’re just not getting it. These people will either re-define our faith, our eat your dog while composing a symphony made of computer error sounds. Possibly both.