Archive for the ‘Sacred Bull’ Category

The Parable Of The Sacred Bull

March 2, 2007

Gluttony, Groucho:29, 6006 YD

by: Sexual Deviant and Beloved Ex-Dictator: Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar

As Enrico step off tuna boat onto fine American soil he was immediately molest by strange man in rumpled suit with crazed eyes. Normally this would not bother Enrico, on contrary, he advertise for it . . . but this man was not interest in Enrico’s crotch at all, he was only interest in talk talk religion and philosophy. He ask Enrico: “Do you believe there is such thing as true religion?”

Enrico snort and repy “Isn’t pornography religion in this country?”

He told Enrico that it was not, which saddened Enrico for few moments; it was after all why Enrico had come to this country in first place. Immediately his vision of become a pope of porn melt away . . . he would have to find other way to get people to accept his ‘host’, he realize. He was only sad for moment, of course, because Enrico rarely has much to do persuading, being virile testicle squid he is.

The man pulled medallion from under his shirt and waved it before Enrico’s eyes. Enrico, in turn pull seventeen medallions from under his shirt and waved them around too, thinking ‘what strange customs these beautiful faggots have’, but was distracted from his inner monologue by man saying “This is call Sacred Cow.”

“Sacred Cow?” Enrico ask, then add: “In Enrico’s homeland that is Beatrice Arthur.”

“No no,” the man said. “Cow! See Ayche Aye Oh. Cow. It the singular version of Chaos.”

“Chaos.” repeate Enrico.

“Yes,” man said. “Chaos is natural state of universe. Aspects of chaos are order and disorder. Both are natural, so do not shun disorder as false, is true too.”

“You speak bullshit,” Enrico laughed. “Enrico like that.”

“This is not bullshit. This is truth that will set you free.”

“No.” said Enrico. “Is bullshit. But, bullshit is important.”

The man’s eyes wide in amazement. “Bullshit? Important? Is why?”

Enrico was surprise that concept of Bull hadn’t been taught to this man. What else was going to be different in this country?

“Bullshit is very important.” Enrico told man. “Bullshit should be spread far and wide. Always spread bullshit wherever you go.”

“Why?” ask man.

“Is simple. If you speak to someone and tell them truth you have made them think nothing, is true?”

“No, they think about what you say.”

“How many peoples do you know?” Enrico asked. “Most peoples, they are not all the way right in the head. Most peoples accept your information like a baby goat accepts your root. If you give them bullshit, though, the person will later find out about it, become angry, but then they will need to go look up informations themselves. They will need to use their own head gravy, instead of relying on other peoples to do their thinking for them . . . in this way bullshit is very very important. So spread bullshit everywhere, my fine friendly faggot.”

Enrico was about to leave when man call out to him: “But what if they never find out information is bullshit?”

Enrico turn back to the man. He shrug. “Fuck em. If they are that stupid, they deserve to stay that way.”

And that is how Enrico taught the silly Discordian about Sacred Bull.

A Message from Our Sponsor

July 11, 2006

Hi, it’s me . . . Eris. I’ve never been big on self-promotion, I admit it . . . even back in the heydays of Achaea my P.R. was a tad on the warped side . . . but I’ve been thinking about my “comeback” recently, and musing on why it hasn’t blown up like Buddhism, Islam, or Christianity . . . I mean, I come back after galavanting around the Pan-Galaxies for aeons to finally give the people of the mudball Earth some hope and a little bit of insight on their own divine natures, and where does it leave me? With a bunch of skinny, pimply wanna-be anarchists sporting red pubic hair and the faint odour of Cheesies listening to what I had to say – Dynamite . . .

The point is – and always was- you are all as free as you choose to be, and yet you choose not to be, for some sad and strange reason . . . you would rather remain within the inertia of your crumbling society, rather than attempt to change it for the better because it would be “difficult”, or even just “different” . . . What do I need to do to drive this point home? Get my own reality TV show? Run for office? Fly a few planes into some really tall buildings?

Forgive me if I am coming across as bitter, it’s not my intention . . . I just get harassed by a lot of people while wandering up and down the Tree Of Life asking me why I didn’t just buck up and make my message more obvious, more plain . . . as if I my intention was to purposely trick people . . . well, of course it was, but they wouldn’t understand that any better than if I had made it perfectly obvious, perfectly plain. Humans are lazy, lazy beings, which is fine . . . it is the way of the Multiverse after all, otherwise we would have bubbles shaped like cubes and pyramids as I have been requesting for millennia . . . but my point is nobody appreciates anything handed to them on a plate. To hide behind metaphor and allusion is to force people to use their own grey matter, think for themselves. Enrico’s Sacred Bull. This was ultimately a large part of my point, and if it was missed, well . . . don’t come whining to me while I am in the middle of tanning in Tiphareth.

Gulik told me it was a bad idea to appear to two pothead borderline fascists in a bowling alley . . . I guess I owe him a Coke.

-ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA

Sacred Bull

June 2, 2005

St. Ray always lived by the three B’s, which are: Bullshit Baffles Brains. Which naturally brings us to the old adage, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.” Which, also, naturally brings us to the Discordian saying, “Bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that’s beautiful.”

Last night while discussing Discordianism with Dharma Jam I realized that the obvious companion to the Sacred Chao would be the Sacred Bull.

A primary aspect of Discordianism is the refusal to believe what one reads, and for this reason I think Sacred Bull is important. It is the most subtle form of “Think for yourself, schmuck!” that exists. Promoting bullshit forces people to think for themselves, or sink in the sludge that is life on Spaceship Earth.

So, with that in mind, I urge you to promote some Sacred Bull today.

Hail Eris. All Hail Discordia.

*****EDIT: This concept was later rewritten, while channeling Salazorian Dictator, Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar, while he was channeling in a Beirut Brothel, as The Parable Of The Sacred Bull