Archive for the ‘St.Babs’ Category

The Feast Of St.Babs

February 14, 2007

Lust, Groucho:13, 6006 YD

The Thirteenth Day of the month of Groucho is when we pause to celebrate the life of St.Babs, the patron saint of the Nocturnal Weenie.

If you have ever been awakened to a weiner being left underneath your pillow, know that you have been visited by St.Babs.

The Naming Of Hoopla

September 9, 2006

Wrath, Harpo:1, 6006 YD

1. Now the birth of Hoopla was on this jive: When as his mother St.Babs was asposta marry St.Ray, before they came to be husband and wife, she was found with child.

2. Then St.Ray her husband, being a just man, got rip-roaringly hammered, and passed out in the part of the basement deemed ‘the rec room’, and behold a messenger of the Goddess appeared from betwixt the faux-wood panelling, saying: “St.Ray, thou son of Hamhock, fear not to take unto thee St.Babs thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of She What Started It All.

3. “And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call him PANDEMONAEON for no good reason”. Now all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Goddess by the prophet Coleslaw, saying,

4. Behold! Some chick shall be all knocked up and shall bring forth a son and they shall call him ERISTOTLE, which can be interpreted as ‘Eris is the shizzle’.

5. Then St.Ray, being raised from his drunken stupor, did as the Messenger Of The Goddess suggested and took unto him St.Babs as his wife. And St.Ray said unto her, over Sloppy Joes and Dr. Pepper: ‘Some crazy mofo said to name the kid PANDEMONAEON or ERISTOTLE’. St.Babs said unto St.Ray: ‘Well? Which is it?” and St.Ray replied: “Fuck it, let’s go with HOOPLA; it’s shorter.” And so it was. Fnord.

The Book Of Generations

July 12, 2005


The book of the generations of the unfortunately named Baron Verulam von Hoopla the Fowler; Episkopos of the Kaufman Cabal; Grand Wazoo of the Esoteric Order Of Eris; Ruler of the Toads of the Short Forest; King of the Booze, and still cooler than a polar bear’s toenails; the son of St.Ray, the son of Camel Toe.

Camel Toe begat Slappy; and Slappy begat Little Ron-Ron; and Little Ron-Ron begat Big Horse; Big Horse begat Ozias; Ozias begat One-Eye and his brethren;

And One-Eye begat Ostrich Boy; and Ostrich Boy begat Susan; and Susan begat Wiley Willie; and Wiley Willie begat the Hamhock; and the Hamhock begat Little Zeke of her that had been the wife of Uranass;

And Little Zeke begat Roboham; and Roboham begat Jo-Jo the Sinning Sinner; Jo-Jo the Sinning Sinner begat Jim-Jim the Singing Singer; and Jim-Jim the Singing Singer begat Captain Rubik; Captain Rubik begat Tic Toc and his brethren;

And Tic Toc begat Stubby; and Stubby begat Fucked Boy; and Fucked Boy begat Fudgee-O; and Fudgee-O begat St. Ray the husband of St.Babs of whom was born Von Hoopla, who is called Verluam.

So all generations from Camel Toe to One-Eye are five generations; and from One-Eye until Little Zeke are five generations; and from Little Zeke until Tic Toc are five generations; and from Tic Toc unto Von Hoopla are five generations.

Verily, I say this unto you, the bullshit doesn’t fall very far from the horse’s ass. Fnord.

Hail Eris.