Archive for the ‘Tarot’ Category

Anonymous Hermit Day

December 20, 2006

Lust, Chico:30, 6006 YD

Today is the day when all intelligent aspiring hermits remember the life of Paul of Latrus, and vow never to repeat his mistakes. Paul had always wanted to be a hermit, ever since he was knee-high to a pariah, and had been hording hermitty things in preparation for years: lanterns, furs, nuts and berries, pornographic etchings for those long winter solstice nights . . . not to mention dreaming up strange and glorious manifestations of his chosen deity’s awesome powers; truly an important part of a hermit’s repertoire.

He was more than ready for life in solitude when he finally waved goodbye to his family and friends and trudged up the mountain to the cave which would be his home, sanctuary, and bathroom for the rest of his life; but he hadn’t anticipated the biggest problem that every prospective hermit faces: fame.

Paul found it very difficult to rinse his socks out in the nearby River Hotsauce without hordes of curious onlookers watching his every move; he was unable to meditate while standing on his head -as was his wont- without fans asking “does it make your face hot?” or “can you hear China now?”; he wasn’t able to chant through the Trumps of the Tarot without people shouting out cards which didn’t exist (like ‘Halitosis’ and ‘Stubbed-Toe’) in a deluded attempt to help him out. In short, his new career as a hermit was already the pits.

Paul had an idea. He decided the best way to get rid of the crowd of gawkers was to frighten them away with his awesome connection to the Higher Beings, and promptly began to start vomiting blood everywhere and anywhere he went. True, he was dizzy, but he felt that he would finally have the solitude he had constantly craved.

Did it work for Paul of Latrus, I can almost hear you ask . . . of course it didn’t, did you read the opening sentence? His stardom, of course, rose to heights he had never dreamed of, and he was a constant attraction in his part of the land for the rest of his life, with an entire industry built up around him: selling candy apples, pony rides, face-painting, etc.

So, let this 30th of Chico be a lesson to all prospective hermits: if you are planning to walk off into the woods to become holy, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, dammit!

The Origin Of Modern Tarot

October 6, 2006

Gluttony, Harpo:28, 6006 YD

I have it on good authority from my contact on the ‘inside’ that the first recorded tarot deck was created by a Mrs. Eugenia Fish in the 800s (CE) but that she based the cards on an older Atlantean deck which was common knowledge at the time – the differences that Mrs. Fish brought to what is known now as the more or less common deck was the addition of the Fool card, which she included out of respect for her dead husband Roland Fish the Idiot of Ford, who was crushed beneath the largest crouton in history, which was being created for Emperor Charlemagne, to be added to the World’s Biggest Salad, which was intended to be one of the Wonders of the World, but never really took off.

In addition to the adding of the Fool, Mrs. Fish also cut out some of the less popular Atlantean trumps, which were 8 – “The Hangnail”, 12 – “Gut Rot”, and the infinitely unpopular 15 – “Halitosis”. I think most modern tarot scholars would admit that her changes were prudent.

Mrs. Fish didn’t only invent modern tarot either, she also invented Backgammon, Monopoly, Strip poker, and Battleship. She truly was a Renaissance woman, before the Renaissance.

Any more questions?

. . . While We’re Talking About Paganism . . .

September 5, 2006

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of viewing the 1973 original version of “The Wicker Man” starring Christopher Lee (who I now realize looks and sounds supiciously like my Illuminati contact Ramses Colossus) . . . it was wonderfully bizarre, and I highly enjoyed the experience. Not enough thrillers take the time to entertain us with music anymore, which is a shame, because I always say: Ranagazoo! Let’s have a tune!

What really tickled me, though, was the final scene where the “King For A Day” begins to rant and rave against the so-called pagans with the ‘true word’ of Christianity to the point of nearly foaming at the mouth; I’m not certain if it was the intention of the filmmakers, but they succeeded in making Christianity seem even more pagan than the neo-druish folks of the film, who copulate in open fields.

Kudos!

Hoopla Tarot Deck

July 4, 2006

The Hoopla Tarot deck is now officially under construction . . .

Two down, seventy-six more to go . . .

A Summery Of Last Night In Thirteen Words*

June 22, 2006

Rivoli
Beer
Indecision
Chat
K-OS
Paparazzo
Naked Man
Tarot
Discarded Gaunch
Home
Jools

*Is there hidden symbolism in the choice of the number 13? Yes,
there is.

Diary Update

June 13, 2006

I am switching the physical diary over to Tarot. Asana has gotten the better of me for now, and I am going to put it aside in favour of
concentrating fully on the Tarot.

I am not certain -at the moment- when I will return to Asana.

The Fool’s Ballad

May 30, 2006

The Fool fumbled his way from his apartment and promptly walked off the balcony, into a garden full of red roses and white lilies.
Enlightenment was his goal, and there was some to be found in the bushes and flowers: rose thorns produce pain and blood.

With his newly found knowledge the Fool walked on.

Soon he came upon a man dealing 3-Card Monty at a small table. The man told the Fool that he could win something from nothing simply by guessing which card showed the Red Queen. Something from nothing? Or, more money from a small amount of money? Is there a difference? The cards were swiftly maneuvered in such a way that it became a blur to the Fool’s eyes. He had tried to keep his eyes on the Red Queen but she was gone before he could notice. It was with some sadness that the Fool handed over his small amount of money to the man. As the he walked away he noticed that when the man was performing the same maneuver for someone else that the Red Queen was surreptitiously slipped inside his coat pocket. The Red Queen had effectively disappeared. The man dealing 3-Card Monty was a Charlatan.

With his newfound knowledge the Fool walked on.

Upon entering an alley nearby the Fool almost tripped over the shopping cart of a large woman wearing a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and three hats on her head. As he tripped, the woman stood, and took the Fool to her enormous bosom, cradling his head in the rank folds of her clothing. She said nothing, but simply rocked his head back and forth until he no longer noticed the strong odor assaulting his nostrils, and nearly fell asleep. At that moment someone could have told him that this woman was his own mother and he might have believed it. The moment was interrupted by a brusk voice shouting for them to ‘break it up’. The Fool raised his head and saw two police officers approaching, one male and one female. The female officer told the woman in the blanket to keep moving, if she stopped ever she was loitering and would be arrested. The male police officer poked his baton into the Fool’s chest and told him the same goes for him, their word was Law.

From inside a large garbage dumpster a man stood up, and called out in aloud voice that he was the ruler of all, and his authority came from the Mutliverse itself, he too had a large thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and wore three hats, one on top of the other. In one hand he held a long curtain rod with a dead rat on the end, and in the other he held a large rotting cabbage.

This was too much for the officers, and they began to subdue both the man in the dumpster, and the woman with the cart. The Fool used the confusion to flee from the scene, and dove into a nearby doorway. Two silky hands wrapped around his neck from behind, and caressed his face. He turned and look deeply into the aquamarine painted eyes of a woman whose face was encrusted with gold glitter and smelled of vodka. “Make ya a man?” she asked coyly, but began to cough as she did.

The Fool ran from the doorway as a taxi cab drove through the alley, and slammed on the door until he was allowed to enter. In the backseat he shifted down until he could only see the tops of buildings flying by. The excitement had drained him, and he tried to relax to adjust to the newfound knowledge he had acquired. As the taxi idled at a stoplight the Fool peaked out the window and saw a shop with televisions in the window. One of the televisions showed a gameshow with a large wheel spinning around and around, and the Fool realized that he himself could very well be strapped to that wheel, as his fortune seemed to spin around and around as well. He mused as the taxi drove away that we could all very well be strapped to that wheel.

The taxi driver turned back to the Fool and told him that where he came from he had been a very powerful man, and had ruled many people, but for him too the Wheel had turned and soon he found himself at the bottom. He was made a scapegoat for the ills that had occurred while he was in power, and was fired from his position, his wife left him and took the children, his family disappeared and he was kicked out of the country. He had had to smuggle himself onto a boat to escape persecution, and the boat had arrived here, and now he was a taxi driver. “This is the way of life,” the taxi driver laughed.

“Well,” said the Fool. “at least they didn’t catch you and kill you
as they had planned.”

The taxi driver looked at him in the mirror. “What would it have
mattered? They surely killed someone in my place. Someone always has to pay. Things end, and when they end new things begin. This, too, is the way of life.”

The Fool nodded his head. It occurred to him that many of the things he had once been afraid of were very natural, and can only be feared if unfamiliar with the concepts. Was he so important? Would his death mean anything to his world? Was it possible that death could be both a frightening thing, and a wondrous fascinating thing? Was it even possible that everything else was like death too? Was it possible that everything had both its good qualities and its bad qualities? In fact, could one go even further and state that things
have no qualities at all, and the qualities only exist within myself? The Fool was shocked. He felt calmer, yet somehow more
agitated. He felt he was growing, yet shrinking. Was this enlightenment?

At the next stop he asked the driver to let him out. He paid, and was left with no money at all. Standing on the corner, looking at all the stores filled with fancy items, and restaurants filled with exotic foods the Fool realized that, now penniless, he was in no
better a situation than the man in the dumpster. How could he be a part of society when he lacked the fundamental element which fueled the society?

The Fool decided to wander away from the buildings and people and try to find somewhere quiet. He eventually came upon a street which looked familiar. He walked along and felt he knew each building, each flower, each rosebush. As he gazed at a beautiful rosebush surrounded by white lilies he realized he was in front of his own building. Quickly, he ran inside and decided to sit out on his balcony to think about what he had learned.

He sat for a long, long time. Eventually, it began to grow dark and a single star began to shine in the sky. The Fool watched that star and thought about how beautiful it was, and how happy he was that it
had been created so he could gaze upon it. As he watched the star the moon began to rise, and moved next to the star. The moon was full, deep yellow and seemed enormous. The Fool wondered if the moon looked as huge and as beautiful for everyone else watching it.

The Fool sat all night and watched the sky. He thought about something he had read once in the Upanishads, which stated “As above, so below.” and suddenly he related it to another statement he had heard which was “The macrocosm sleeping inside the microcosm.” As these two thoughts occurred to him and he gazed at the stars beginning to fade into the blue or dawn, he stood up. The sun was popping over the horizon. But was it really? The Sun was in space.
He realized it simply appeared to him to be rising. He was the factor. THe Macrocosm WAS sleeping in the Microcosm!

“Great Googly Moogly!” he shouted. “It’s ALIVE!”

And as the Fool gained enlightenment, he fell off his balcony into the roses and lilies below.