Archive for the ‘Tuesdays’ Category

Great Knowledge and Hung Mung

June 14, 2005

It has been written that I loathe Tuesdays. This is true. On this Tuesday I have nothing worth recounting, but will instead relate a parable about Hung Mung, the wisest of of all wiseacres:

“Great Knowledge was traveling east, carried along upon the wings of a whirlwind. Suddenly he met Hung Mung, who was jumping around, slapping his thighs and hopping like a bird. Great Knowledge saw this and stopped dead, standing still in respect, and said, ‘Elderly man, who are you? What are you doing?’

     Hung Mung continued to slap his thighs and hop like a bird, then replied, ‘Enjoying myself!

     Great Knowledge said, ‘I would like to ask a question.’

     Hung Mung looked at Great Knowledge and said, ‘That’s a shame!’

     Great Knowledge said, ‘The very breath of Heaven is no longer in harmony. Earth’s very breath is ensnared, the six breaths do not mix, the four seasons do not follow each other. Now I want to combine the six breaths in order to bring life to all things. How do I do this?’

     Hung Mung slapped his thighs, hopped around and said, ‘I don’t know, I don’t know!’

     Great Knowledge could go no further with his questioning. But three years later, traveling east, he passed the wilderness of Sung and came upon Hung Mung again. Great Knowledge, very pleased, rushed towards him, stood before him and said, ‘Heaven, have you forgotten me? Heaven, have you forgotten me?’ Bowing his head twice, he asked for teaching from Hung Mung.

     Hung Mung said, ‘Wandering everywhere, without a clue why. Wildly impulsive, without a clue where. I wander around in this odd fashion, I see that nothing comes without reason. What can I know?’

     Great Knowledge replied, ‘I also seem carried on by an aimless influence, and yet the people follow me wherever I go. I cannot help their doing so. But now as they thus imitate me, I wish to hear a word from you.’

     Hung Mung said, ‘Ah! your mind needs to be nourished. Do you only take the position of doing nothing, and things will of themselves become transformed. Neglect your body; cast out from you your power of hearing and sight; forget what you have in common with things; cultivate a grand similarity with the chaos of the plastic ether; unloose your mind; set your spirit free; be still as if you had no soul. Of all the multitude of things every one returns to its root. Every one returns to its root, and does not know that it is doing so. They all are as in the state of chaos, and during all their existence they do not leave it. They do not ask its name; they do not seek to spy out their nature; and thus it is that things come to life of themselves.'”

Have a great fucking Tuesday.

Hail Eris.

Weeble Wobbles

May 16, 2005

I refuse to attempt to write anything cute about Monday, as I did last week with Tuesday. Monday deserves no such treatment. Jim Davis has already given the ghastly day of the week too many handjobs in the last twenty-five years.

Yesterday was the day the Toronto Discordian Meetup group was officially closed by the ravenously money hungry pieces-of-shit more commonly known as I was informed by JJ on Friday (oh blessed blessed Friday!) that Meetup is helpful to some, it brought two of his friends together after all . . . I’m willing to concede that it has its beneifits, I wouldn’t have met all of the fabulous Discordians I’ve met recently without it. Or, maybe I would have, I don’t know. What I do know is that the meagre options offered by Meetup do not justify the price they are asking to keep the sites up and running. It is almost the same as the cost of running your own site where you can do anything you want. ANYTHING!

Having said that, Apostasia Gloriana and I were attempting to get off the ground at least in a basic form so Toronto Discordians could have somewhere to find out when the next meeting is, and somewhere to show off avatars . . . I know how people love their avatars.

At any rate, we were both successful and unsuccessful last night . . . successful in putting together a suitable looking site, but unsuccessful at actually linking it to the internet, which is, rather, the critical part. Being a borderline Luddite, I was of little help unfortunately . . . merely stroking at my whiskers and saying “hmmmm” now and then.

We’re like weeble-wobbles though, we weeble and we wobble but we won’t fall down . . . the site will be up soon, in some form or another . . . until then, Hail Eris!

5 Ideas To Improve Your Tuesday

May 10, 2005

Tuesdays can be depressing sometimes. Monday you expect to be dreadful, and so usually steady yourself for it, like the anticipation of a subway train about to shove off. Tuesday, though, can sneak up and spit in your eye; it’s not even Wednesday (a drippy day in it’s own right) but, at least Wednesday is the middle of the week . . . Thursday is practically part of the weekend, and Friday is glorious for reasons that if they need explained to you are beyond the point.

So, Tuesday. I almost feel bad for maligning and slandering Tuesday when, really, it’s not Tuesday’s fault, someone had to be the second day of the week.* If it hadn’t been Tuesday it could have ended up being given to Friday or even, (gasp) Saturday. Tuesday should be commended for taking the bull by the horns and trying to make the best of a bad situation . . . see what it did with Tuesday cheap movies? That’s thinking for you.

So, in the spirit of making the best of Tuesday I have thought up five things that can make your Tuesday slightly more interesting, for you, and for your coworkers. These five are as follows:

1) Discover a coworker’s desk, and claim it in the name of Spain.

2) Lower your chair to the lowest level. When anyone asks you why tell them the altitude always gives you nosebleeds on Tuesdays.

3) Move your desk next to the rest rooms, and proclaim yourself the Hand Washing Monitor. Be STRICT.

4) Try to convince your coworkers that the Earth is flat. When they disagree, change gears, tell them they misheard you . . . the Earth is actually round, but hollow.

5) Whenever a coworker speaks to you about anything, respond with “Sure, that’s what you’d like me to believe, isn’t it?” But, be defensive if they ask you what you think they would like you to believe. If they press you, simply insist “YOU know. You know very well.”

Any and all of these suggestions are guaranteed to make your Tuesday more interesting. I claim no responsibility for anyone getting fired if they try these suggestions, consider it a personal favour.

Hail Eris!

*Don’t even talk to me about the week beginning on Sunday.